


Battered Joy

by withinmelove



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Sense8 (TV)
Genre: Adoptive Cluster (Sense8), Alternate Universe - Sense8 (TV) Fusion, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes-centric, Cluster As Family (Sense8), F/M, Gen, Identity Issues, M/M, Multi, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Cluster (Sense8), Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-11 02:35:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 31,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16467062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withinmelove/pseuds/withinmelove
Summary: The Winter Soldier is unknowingly fused into the Sense8 cluster by Hydra.





	Battered Joy

**Author's Note:**

> Sleepygrimm was my artist for this BB and made the art I will be linking to eventually.  
> Here's her tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/sleepygrimm
> 
> A treat to have worked and talked with such great people in the BB chat. I look forward to coming back next year.
> 
> Constructive critique is welcomed on all my fics.

On the days the Asset is punished for errors that are beyond its control, it is not itself. Its mind is not its own anymore. There’s no pinpointing when the seams of its mind began to split. _Bucky?_ ~~Who the hell is Bucky?~~. This is different from the physical pains he had grown used to. Different from the shooting pains in its head that had become common from the constant mind wipes. There are hints of connection, of emotions--of **feelings** \--such had only been awoken by Captain America. The Asset had returned to Hydra after encountering Captain America and the feelings, but the feelings had not gone away. For some reason they are happening more frequently. The only part the Asset understands is that sometimes its hands or mouth don’t always follow orders--even its own. These are truly terrifying moments, both for the loss of control and the punishments that happen afterwards. Then there is no one in the Asset’s mind or body. 

No, they wait until the Asset is bruised, hungering, and exhausted. The handlers won’t break bones or withhold water, but they set other Winter Soldiers on it. It’s worse when they force it to stay awake for even just a day, sometimes two, at the most three. But it is never the Asset being so rebellious. 

The visions are back when it is lying on its mattress, huddled under the comforter. The blanket is enormous and full of down feathers. So light and toasty. A gift for killing two particularly high-powered figures in record time. The Asset doesn’t want to see them. These vanishing people are not frightening, but they are upsetting. _They_ are the ones who cause it to disobey or botch a mission. 

“My god, Kala, - _look at what they’re doing to him_. We have to rescue him.” The raspy feminine voice belongs to the tall blond woman with glasses. There is distress and tears in her tone. Trembles wrack through its body as the mattress dips beneath a weight. What the Asset’s found out is that _they_ will not touch it if it hides beneath the blanket. 

“Asset.” This voice belongs to Kala distinguishable by her Middle Eastern accent. “Is that your name? Can you tell us where you are?” She asks gently but does not reach out. No, it cannot tell them where it is. The thought of the punishment awaiting such a motley crew of saviors has its lungs non-functional. _Please just let them leave the Asset alone. Forget that it ever existed._

\--

Back in her own head, Kala can’t stop trembling when the connection is severed. She has to excuse herself to the bathroom, a cold sweat all over her body. She gives smiling grimaces when her coworkers ask in genuine concern if she’s okay. Right now Kala is unable to articulate what she’s just witnessed. It’s not her but the man who thought of himself as the Asset who needs that concern.

Locking herself in a stall, she sits on the toilet, arms around herself as the shaking overtakes her. She can’t seem to take in enough air. The deprivation of that man, bruised all over his body and imprisoned in such a stark place. It’s a wonder he’s not more messed up. Kala can still feel the panic pinging from him, but her own shock overwhelms it. Before she had come back to herself an image had flashed through the Asset’s mind. The imaginary creature Hydra. There is meaning behind that. There must be.

“Kala, hey, what’s going on?” Wolfgang says, concerned. He’s in the cramped stall with her, an impossibility solved by the connection allowing him to not physically be here. He kneels down, stroking her hair back. She leans into the touch, helping to ground her. “You’re freaking out,” he says. Kala presses his chill hands to her cheeks drawing comfort. 

“It was awful...he’s being tortured, Wolfgang. Nomi and I both saw him.” Wolfgang frowns confused rubbing soothing circles into her cheekbones with his thumbs. 

“Who are you talking about? Lito, Will? Did something happen to Capheus?” 

Kala shakes her head meeting his eyes. “No, can’t you feel him? We have another sensate.” He gapes at her his disbelief pulsing through the thread of connection in her mind. “Feel for our cluster, he is there.” She urges gripping his hands hard now. Wolfgang obliges closing his eyes and probing the connection. Kala’s fear and wonder radiate back through him. 

“His emotions are so muted. How did we miss getting another sensate? How many can we have?” he asks, eyes wide. Kala laughs and it is too close to tears for her. 

“I’m not sure, but we have to do something. We can’t leave him there. He will die without us, Wolfgang,” she states, knowing in her heart of hearts this is true. The Asset will not survive for much longer under those conditions. If his body doesn’t give out first, it may very well be his psyche. 

Wolfgang nods grasping her hands. “We will. He won’t suffer anymore.” 

\--

"Will, we need to talk."

Will doesn't even flinch when he looks in the passenger seat to find Wolfgang sitting there wearing a concerned expression. By now he's gotten used to his sensates showing up at random, either pulled by a strong emotion or just because they feel like visiting. Ever since the Whispers started chasing after them, their bond has been getting stronger. Will just wishes it wasn't this way. He’d rather have the soft, quiet moments when he and Riley kissed for minutes on end, holding each other, not concerned with anyone else. But after the rescue mission from the Whispers, those moments--while they are still there--have been sandwiched between the paranoia of Whispers finding them. 

Currently he and Riley are hiding out in Chicago. After weathering the awful storm of his superior’s shock and disapproval at his sudden disappearance for a week, he still has his career as an officer. It hurts him to know that Riley didn't get to say goodbye to her dad before she disappeared from Iceland again. Will wonders if she'll ever get to go back and stay there permanently. Or if the memory of her husband _Angus_ and her little infant daughter haunt her too much. 

Will's on a grocery run at the moment, while Riley is roaming around Chicago, checking out the local music scene. Despite the persistent worry of Whispers, they do still have lives to live, and music isn't something that Riley can just abandon. He doesn't mind. Understands that this is important for her to cope with what's happening to them. 

"What's up, Wolfgang? You and I haven't really spoken before. It's nice to meet you. I only ever kind of got glimpses of what you're up to," Will chatters, knowing that a friendly talk isn't why his fellow sensate is here. The unease creeping over him doesn't bode well for this appearance. Wolfgang isn’t one for idle chatting.

"That's because you and Riley have each other. No room for us," Wolfgang replies evenly. 

"Hey." Will looks over at him, bothered by that. "Not true. Just because Riley's with me doesn't mean I'm forgetting about you guys. Things have been pretty quiet and no one's really come around. Well--Nomi does. I see her quite a bit.” Wolfgang says nothing. “What about you and Kala?" he asks, in an effort to turn this away from him and how he hasn’t reached out for his cluster as much now that things have calmed. It's a facade, but right now he'll gladly take it. 

"We've got a new sensate is why I came." Will nearly swerves off the road in shock. Wolfgang swears as he's thrown against the car door. Will moves back into his lane before he very carefully turns into the nearly empty parking lot of a local ice cream shop. There's no way what Wolfgang said is true.

"How is that possible and why hasn't the rest of the group said anything?" Wolfgang gives him a meaningful look and Will takes a moment to close his eyes mentally probing at the threads of his sensates to find--yes, indeed, there is someone else. Someone new.

The feeling Will gets from this new sensate is chaotic and humming with fright.

"How did you find out about him?" Will asks as he pulls back, unable to withstand the battering as the sensate lashes out at the intrusion. He knows they are there. 

But how is this even possible? They shouldn't have another sensate. Angelica was the one who birthed them, and in the six months they've been thrown into this it's never been revealed to them that there's a possibility for another sensate to join them. Jonas hasn't even said anything about it and he's the best person they have to inform them of what it is to be a sensate. 

Will doesn't trust this. There's something off and it's unnatural. Well--more so than what they're used to, anyway. And right now Will doesn't want to deal with any more weirdness in his life. He's finally got Riley and he wants a little calmness now that they've managed to hide from the Whispers. Nomi, he knows, can keep herself safe, and with her girlfriend at her side there's nothing she can't weather. 

"Kala. She said she and Nomi saw the guy. I think it was Nomi got pulled to him first and then Kala did," Wolfgang answers with a shrug. He's no more informed of what's going on, but if Kala and Nomi are determined to rescue this man then he'll be behind them ready to help when needed. Will rubs his face. God; for the gifts this ability has given him, it’s quite the heavy burden to bear. 

"Do we know where he's at or who's holding him? Or for that matter if he even wants to be rescued? He seems pretty shook up and unwilling to come without a fight." Will knows it's callous of him to question this, but he is so fucking exhausted. 

"I'm not sure, but we've accomplished more with less of a plan than this," Wolfgang replies, and that's true enough. Whenever they are called upon, all their rescue plans suspiciously lack any sort of organization.

"And what do we do with him once we've got him? A good guess that this organization isn't going to be happy about losing him," Will says. 

Wolfgang nods. "We'll have to keep checking back in on him. Monitor where he goes and what he's doing to see if we can find any familiar landscapes. Maybe get him to tell us where he is." 

It's a foolish plan, full-of-holes, but what else do they have? It's either this or leaving the man to die in that place, and even Will, fatigued as he is, doesn't want to do that. 

"Okay. Let Capheus know about the new sensate. I'll tell Sun." 

"Thank you, Will," Wolfgang says before blinking out of the car and back to his own side of the world, wherever that may currently be. They had found out he was on the run, although Wolfgang would not say why or because of what. Kala wasn't forthcoming but that didn't surprise Will. They kept each other's secrets and he could guess whatever had gone on was quite illegal in Germany and Illinois. He just hoped it wasn't anything too terrible. 

This new life is causing their entire cluster to do things they never would have before or even imagined they could be willing to do. It is amazing how many new abilities you find within yourself when the lives of those you love are on the line, who are closer than anything known in this world. Will would do anything to protect his cluster as much as possible. 

He supposes that now includes this new man who is difficult to feel to through the connection. Perhaps he'd find out why his thread was so wild but so muted. For now he won't speak of this to Jonas. No particular reason, but right now it might be best to keep this knowledge close to the chest. 

\--

Capheus must admit even he, who rolls well with life’s punches, is taken aback at the news that they have another sensate. He is glad he’s not driving the bus or cooking, otherwise he might have injured himself or others because of his shock. Luckily he is at home in bed when Will blinks in, gently shaking him awake. 

He startles awake. “Huh? Will?” His voice is hoarse and his mind thick with sleep. Ever since he became a protector of Mr. Kabas’ daughter and after everything with the local gangs Capheus finds he is on high alert often. Both his mind and body can’t seem to take the hint things are fine. But it’s not for himself he is so scared for (although he hopes to never suffer another beating) but his precious mother. By the miracle of God she’s been untouched by this current violence and mayhem ruling his life. 

Will makes “calm down” hand motions, gently hushing him, even though his mother cannot see or hear Will. “What is going on? You’ve never come to see me before,” Capheus asks. He doesn’t intend it to come across as resentful or malicious, but something akin to guilt flickers across Will’s face at that. Will doesn’t allow the chance for him to inquire about that look.

“I’m sorry about that. I promise to check in more often. But...Capheus. We have another sensate. Wolfgang told me yesterday.” He shifts from his crouched stance to sit down on the floor next to his mattress.

Capheus gapes at him quite unsure how to react to the news. Happy, shocked, worried? Yet another person added to their connection. How is that even possible? And why was he not told as soon as Will?

“Who is he? Is he in America with you?” He says instead of those vaguely resentful thoughts. Now is not the time to be upset over his own feelings. This is too enormous and important. Will rubs at his forehead with a sigh. It seems this is the difficult part. “We don’t know who he is?” 

“We do, technically,” Will hedges. “But he only calls himself the Asset. It’s hard to get a location on him because whoever is keeping him prisoner does a good job of it. We’re still trying to figure out anything about him at this point. Kala says she got a flash of the monster Hydra. Nomi thinks it might mean an organization.” 

Capheus nods. No wonder he wasn’t told sooner. There isn’t anything to tell about their new sensate besides the fact they have one now. 

“When we get him, who will he stay with?” This remark earns him a startled look from Will. “Were we planning not to save him?” Capheus gently prods because that is an answer he would be more shocked to hear than even this current news. Will blinks and shakes his head.

“No, of course we’re going to get him. It’s just...well I’m sorry for not coming to see you more often, Capheus. Not a very good sensate, am I?” Will answers his voice becoming hoarse from his emotions. Capheus reaches out and pulls Will into his arms resting a hand on his head ruffling his hair. The tension loosens from Will’s body his forehead pressed to Capheus’ shoulder. 

“You are a great sensate, Will. Besides, I don’t want you hovering over me like a mother hen. Take care of Riley,” Capheus gently teases, smiling when Will chuckles. 

\--

Will’s lying in bed with Riley having just awoken from a nap when it becomes apparent that one of their sensates has shown up. The sensation of being in his body and yet looking at himself is the tale-tell sign. He scans the room to find Kala curled up in the armchair in the corner of the bedroom. He rubs his eyes. There’s no alarm or panic pulsing through the connection, so no emergency right now.

“What’s up, Kala? A new hobby--watching us sleep?” he teases, hoping to lighten the tight set of her shoulders. She shakes her head.

“Wolfgang told me you didn’t want to help our sensate. How could you think that after seeing him? What has been done to one of our own,” Kala demands, eyes flashing. Her ferocity surprises Will; she’s not usually quick to anger.

“I didn’t say that! What I said was we need to be _careful_. We don’t know anything about him,” he hisses back, trying not to wake Riley as he sits up. 

“You rescued me even though we didn’t know each other,” Nomi refutes, appearing as well leaning against the windowsill.

“Kala, Riley, he’s been _hunting_ people for how long? Even if he’s not personally used by Whispers he’s a danger to us! Now we don’t only have Whispers coming after us but this organization too-”

“So how much worse can it be, Will?” Kala interjects, angry at this stalling on his part. “The Whispers want to tear our cluster apart and Hydra is torturing him. We can’t just leave one of our own behind.” Will shakes his head, pacing, as Riley sits up. She blinks blearily as Kala stands from the armchair, her hands on her hips, arms akimbo.

“But he’s _not_ one of us. Angelica didn’t birth his connection with ours. His - his was unnaturally made.” 

Lito and Sun have appeared here now as well. No surprise, as their connection threads have been fraught with tension over this “Asset.” It was Nomi who had felt the forged bond first, faint as it was. Not until Kala had been pulled along did the rest of them take notice of the near-silent, discordant thread plucking at the back of their minds. 

“Why are you so against him, Will?” Lito asks, brows creased. “If he is in danger and he is a part of our cluster then we need to help him.” 

“Lito, Nomi, _guys_ : we just barely escaped with our lives from Ellison. This new sensate--he’s volatile and all our lives are at even greater risk with him. I don’t want to turn my back on him, but how are we going to deal with _two_ secret organizations chasing us? I don’t want to lose you all again, not after we just got Riley back from dying.”

Riley lays a hand on his arm. “Will, I’m not afraid to fight for us. Besides, who knows how he will add on to our abilities? He deserves a life free from that awful place.” 

Damn it. Looks like he’s beat five to one.

\--

The first thing to be done is scout out just where exactly the Asset is. This turns out to be more difficult than they realized because it seems he’s always on the move. Even when one of them recognizes a landmark or city name, it’s too far away for any of them to reach quickly. What is established quick is that the Asset spends no more than twenty-four hours in a place before he is back with Hydra. 

Learning that he belonged to Hydra was the second piece of information they found out. What they can dredge up from the Internet (and further dig around using Nomi’s hacking skills) is that Hydra is a firmly rooted and long reaching evil organization. This is further helped by the files that have been spewed across the internet by Black Widow. Captain America himself has been fighting these monsters for close to eighty years. The weight of that news settles on their shoulders. They need to find and rescue the Asset _now_.

It’s a complete lucky break when Nomi and Amanita end up literally running into him. If not for the connection, they would not have found him. It’s not even Nomi’s day to be monitoring for the Asset (they take it in day and night shifts). She’s out with Neets who had gotten her hair done that day. She had added some bright colors to her weave and a few cute charms for her dreads. They’re deciding whether to get ice cream from the place down the street or closer to home when Nomi accidentally flickers in behind the Asset's eyes. She recognizes where in San Francisco he is.

“Neets, he’s two blocks away!” Nomi yelps, already sprinting off in the direction of the hotel the Asset is in. He will know they’re coming for him but if his pattern is the same as before he won’t leave before he’s accomplished the mission set for him. It’s a struggle to access his mind a second time in order to check the room. No one else is there. This must be an independent mission they've sent him on. One where Hydra will collect him afterwards. 

The handlers never receive him because Nomi and Neets are on him at once. Kala had shown them weeks earlier how to create a homemade tranquilizer in the event they needed to go after him wherever he was. Turns out it's a good thing Nomi had taken to carrying it with her just in case. Truly a bizarre set of circumstances that have led them to this moment.

“Oh my god, Nomi. Look at his arm. _It’s metal_ ,” Neets points out, hand over her mouth--and yes, now when Nomi looks away from the gun aimed at them, his left arm is entirely made out of metal. It’s not a normal prosthetic; the plates of it whirr as they shift downwards and closer together. Nothing an average person would have, or for that fact, probably the rich either. Money may give people crazy ideas but this clearly isn’t meant for showing off. 

"Hey there, Asset. It's okay. You recognize Nomi, don't you?" Amanita asks, hands up, eyes glued on him. As soon as they had come into his hotel room (the door wasn't even locked, which is telling) the Asset pulled a gun on them, eyes hard and _cornered_. Later on Nomi would wonder why he didn't just kill them then and there, that he could believe he was trapped by two untrained and unarmed (besides a needle) civilians. But after being privy to the maelstrom that was his fragmented mind, she couldn't blame him. Perhaps he knew they truly wanted to rescue him from the existence he was currently living. 

"We're here to help you." 

She takes a step forward and the _click_ of the safety freezes both her and Nomi. 

"Amanita. Don't move." Capheus is there with them and Nomi wants to yelp for him to leave. The situation is already precarious; she's unsure how the Asset will react to more of their cluster showing up. Thank god the Asset doesn't shoot.

"It is okay. He’s scared and he will not shoot. Too many people will hear the gunshot and he does not want to draw attention to himself." 

"Okay, well, when is he gonna put down that gun? Because that seems pretty serious about shooting," Neets retorts when Nomi relays what Capheus said. For not being a part of their cluster, she is startlingly good at throwing sarcasm at them. It's one thing that Nomi loves about her.

"Asset, these women are here to help you. We want to rescue from this life you are forced to endure. You know us." 

The Asset swallows, gaze darting between them frozen in his defensive stance the gun not lowered an inch. 

He is indecisive of whether to kill them and keep on with the mission or listen to what they've got to say. It probably doesn't help the situation that she's still standing there with the needle filled with tranquilizer but she's not lowering it for any amount of money. The tension has their muscles twitching in anticipation of a sudden move from either side. 

"Listen to our minds. You have nothing to fear. We will take you away from who is hurting you. Your connection with us was forged for a reason--let us find out what that is," Capheus gently prompts. He's got a silver tongue. Nomi doesn't know what they would have done without him; probably tried to tackle the Asset and either get incapacitated or fatally wounded. Whatever the Asset thinks of this--whether he believes them or not--he does lower the gun. His finger is still on the trigger, though.

"Yes, that’s it!" Capheus encourages as if the Asset is taking his first steps and not trusting them with the bare minimum. "Come with us and live well," he urges. The Asset looks towards Nomi and Amanita who give him warm smiles to convey that, yes, they will help him live better. What life, Nomi doesn't know, but anything is better than where he is now. It seems too long, the tension so tight, before the Asset nods and holsters his gun.

Finally, Nomi lowers the needle she's holding. Neets relaxes just the smallest bit around her shoulders. He moves to the bed and reaches under to retrieve a backpack that sounds like a lot of metal clanging against other metal. Sure enough when he unzips it, inside are revealed to be at least six guns. One that must be for long range, four short range and a knife. Well, no one can call him unprepared for whoever he was sent to kill. 

Neets’ eyes go wide. "Wow,” she murmurs, turning to Nomi. “You're not playing around."

For her part, all Nomi can do is shrug. She had warned that he was dangerous and not likely to be unarmed. Now Amanita could see she wasn't exaggerating. The Asset ignores them as he holsters two of the guns and sheathes the knife, clearly a favorite, on his right hip-- the first thing. The first thing he will reach for over his guns. Nomi vaguely wonders how long he's had that knife. All the blood and death it has seen. Once he's armored himself to his satisfaction, the Asset tucks the duffel bag back under the bed before he pulls on the casual clothing folded at the edge of the bed: a hoodie that covers the metal arm and a supple leather glove for the metal hand. Finally, he looks at them expectantly. 

"Well...let's go home," Neets suggests with a tight smile. Nomi and he nod before they turn and leave the room. The Asset follows them out. Outside they catch a cab back to their studio apartment. It's a very awkward ride, seeing as he makes it a point to sit between them. This close and with no limitation of the connection being cut off she can look at him uninterrupted. He runs hot; that much is clear from how he radiates heat from where his knee to his hip are pressed to Nomi. He's also slender but muscular, not something she had noticed when she saw him in his cell. Overall the Asset radiates a sense of powerful physicality. He is aware of how to use his body and the space it takes up. 

"Hey, so, do you actually have a name? Besides ‘the Asset’?" It is again Amanita who asks--and right...Nomi never even questioned that. She supposes being so inside his head she'd not even thought that abnormal--it was so ingrained in his thinking so as to not stand out. Her stomach lurches. God, she can't even stand the thought of how that mindset came to be. 

“It is now,” he answered--and wow, that is a first. 

“Well, can I think up a name for you? It’s weird to call you that and especially out in public,” she announces. The Asset gives an annoyed noise which had Amanita rolling her eyes dramatically. “Hey. If you want to be called by an actual name I didn’t make up, then you’ve got to think of one, alright?”

He frowns but does give her a nod to show he understands.

\--

“Babe, I love you, but you’ve really got to think less with that amazing heart and more with your logical brain,” Neets gently chides as they watch the Asset stand huddled within their studio apartment. He keeps his eyes on the floor, chin down, awaiting orders. 

These people in his head have gone so far as to kidnap him; there is no saying what else they will do to him if he should misbehave. He can’t even run away, for they will know wherever he goes. They are inside his head in a way Hydra never was. _There is no hiding from these people_. 

It’s terrifying, this unfamiliarity with his new handlers. There is no rhyme or reason of what they want or expect from him. This is the worst that could happen. 

Nomi can’t bring herself to smile at the gentle joke. God, it hurts to feel the Asset’s panic and fright. He truly believes they’re going to hurt him. 

“He needed us, sweetheart. I think his connection to our cluster was forged by that electrotherapy-type chair I told you about. They were _torturing_ him.” 

Amanita hugs her tight. “I’m sorry, of course, I didn’t mean that. I just want you to be okay. It seems like he...the Asset...isn’t the greatest mental influence on you. What he’s dealing with is way beyond anything we’ve dealt with before.” 

It’s hard to swallow back her despair at these words. If even Amanita is doubting what they’ve done, perhaps she shouldn’t have pushed so hard. The Asset meets her eyes--and suddenly Nomi is looking at herself through his eyes. Adrenaline burns through him, minute trembles going through his body as he waits with a churning stomach to learn what they will do with him, to him. A blink and she is back in Amanita’s arms again. Her self-doubt and guilt evaporate, her conviction swelling in her chest. She will not leave him to struggle on his own. The Asset is part of their cluster now. 

-

“Do you want to shower while I make lunch? I know a nice hot shower always makes me feel more at home,” Neets offers, ever the gracious host, breaking the silence. The Asset nods following after her to the bathroom where she gives him a towel, a new toothbrush, and points out which tap is hot and which is cold. In truth he’s not dirty enough to warrant cleaning up but when offered the choice he’ll take it. This also gives them time to discuss him. 

The Asset finds pretty scented soaps and shampoos, and even a body scrub said to smell of chocolate. Not true except for a vague interpretation but he happily uses it on his face. How soft his skin feels. There’s so many options to pick from here. He’ll shower every day to keep smelling nice like this. By the time he gets out twenty minutes later he feels like a new man.

While he doesn’t trust these two women, for now they mean him no harm. So far none of their actions have indicated they mean to hurt or even punish him. At the very least they’ve taken him away from Hydra and that earns them a small portion of gratitude. The Asset changes into purple and pink gym shorts that are too small with the waistband digging into his stomach and hips. Same story with the tanktop that on him shows off his midriff. Quite the ridiculous image. The tank top he discards on the sink before he leaves the bathroom for the kitchen hunger prickling at him.

Nomi and the woman called Neets are sitting at their island counter eating salads and sandwiches. In an empty spot there is a sandwich cut in half and a steaming bowl of soup. Saliva pools as he sits down in the extra chair for him. Hydra only fed the Asset by nutrient drips as solid foods meant waste. Easier for him to piss everything out than the other option. 

The Asset picks up his spoon to try the soup first but is stopped by Amanita’s sharp “Hold it!” 

He looks at her, concerned as to how he disobeyed already. The Asset didn’t realize there was an etiquette to be observed. 

“You have to give us a name to call you before you can eat. I don’t want to keep calling you ‘the guy’ or ‘Asset.’” He puts his spoon down discouraged at the thought of picking a name. What if he picks something stupid? Then he will be called by that idiotic choice forever. 

“Do you--maybe remember a name you liked?” Nomi gently offers. “We can always change to a new one if you don’t like the current choice.”

He nods tapping his metal fingers against the table. What name would he like to be called? The Asset bites his lip as he thinks this over. Well, the only name he can remember is what Captain America called him on the bridge. _Bucky_. But does that make it his own name if he didn't pick it? He's just claiming it so he can eat soup and be full for once in how long he can't recall. 

"Bucky," he replies. This seems to satisfy Neets who nods gesturing for him to pick up his spoon. Eagerly the Asset - no _Bucky_ he needs to call himself by the name too if he wants it to feel natural. Bucky picks his spoon back up ready to have some of the delicious tomato soup that's been coaxing him since he sat down. 

The first spoonful is heavenly. Hot, almost burning his tongue, but thick and filling. Bucky manages to eat a second bite before his stomach is heaving and he's sprinting to the bin under the sink, gagging as his body rejects the heavy soup. At once Nomi and Amanita's chairs are scraping back against the wooden floor. 

"Oh my god--are you okay, Bucky?" They are on their feet but don't approach when he flaps his hand at them to stay away as he gags and vomits up the trickle of soup. He doesn't need them seeing the evidence of his malnourished body. Even soup is too much for his system and that is a frightening thing. How will he survive without Hydra? Not just the orders; it's crystal clear in that moment how much control Hydra had over his basic needs. His stomach isn't used to any fluid besides water and unable to keep down anything but that. Unlikely that there are any convenient nutrient IVs outside of the hospital for him to go steal. 

After a minute of not throwing up during which he can hear the voice of Kala (she appeared when he threw up. How many people will witness his utter weakness and dependency?) does he pull his head out from the trash. Nausea threatens to overwhelm him but he swallows hard to keep it down for a few seconds. 

"How long has it been since you've eaten anything solid?" Kala asks her gaze serious and concerned. Bucky shrugs. He truly doesn't know. Eating was only something to be done through the drips. The handlers and guards never ate around the Winter Soldiers they were watching over so there was never a chance to be given anything then. On missions, he was fed the same as he was in the home base. 

Kala clicks her tongue, a noise of worry, as she looks to Nomi. 

"He's likely going to need feeding therapy. If he can't keep even soup down, his deprivation is even worse than what we thought. His stomach isn't used to anything more then what those monsters gave him." Nomi nods. Bucky feels awful. How deeply the dependency has become a part of him.

\--

Bucky struggles against the unease that nags at him. There’s something not right about all of this. It’s not just the fact these people kidnapped him. It’s that Hydra just....let him get away. They aren’t known for making mistakes or letting their weapons slip by them. The urge to toss and turn keeps him awake all night long. He hears Nomi and Amanita’s breathing become slow and regular as the hours pass. They sleep across the room in their bed (a studio apartment the bathroom the only separate room). He dozes off as the morning sun peeks in the windows. 

Under normal circumstances he would never fall asleep amongst the enemy until his body couldn’t handle any more sleep deprivation. But then again, he’s never been held captive by people who are inside his head. Who can feel his emotions and see through his eyes. The air gets trapped in his lungs so that he has to bolt upright panting. If they can experience his world through his senses what is to say they could not control his body as well? A cold sweat breaks over him as convulsive shivers wrack over him. He is truly under their mercy in a way he never was with Hydra. 

Six hours later into the afternoon is when he finally wakes up again. He really could sleep another five hours but the quiet moving around and talking of the two women prods him awake. 

“Good afternoon,” Nomi quietly greets him and for a moment he is looking at himself laid out on the couch. Even through her eyes he still is exhausted. 

“Why did you come for me? Who are you?” Bucky asks sitting up rubbing at his gritty eyes. A mental shove and he’s back in his own head. He presses his palms into eyes. It’s like he’s slightly off kilter when he blinks from his body to theirs. 

“We saw you being tortured. It was Kala who felt your connection first. None of us know how it happened. Angelica, the woman who birthed us,” Amanita’s moving around has gone very quiet, “she died before we could figure anything out and her sensate Jonas never said something like this was possible.” 

The pressing urge of his bladder keeps him from asking his next question in favor of heading to the bathroom. He is conspicuously out of place in their home. The metal arm glinting in the sun, his very person everything they are not. 

“How long do you intend to keep me?” Bucky asks when he comes back from the bathroom. The Asset would never be this forward or in fact fact speak this much but having eight people psychically connected to you tends to change things.

Nomi frowns at him although her thread only hums in confusion not upset or anger at his boldness in continued questioning them. 

“We’re not _keeping_ you, Bucky. Unlike Hydra, you can leave whenever you want. I just figured you’d live with us for the time being, until you can at least eat properly,” Nomi answers truthfully. There’s no hint of a lie in her voice or through her thread of connection.

Amanita’s book thumps closed, the bed creaking as she adjusts her position. 

“Pretty much we don’t know what to do with you after the rescue mission. We’re making this up as we go so there’s no scary plots to brainwash you onto our side,” she adds, giving Nomi’s look of consternation a silent _what?_ expression. Bucky appreciates her candidness. He doesn’t need anything sugarcoated for him. 

“Then you won’t mind if I go on a walk?” he asks, wondering if they truly mean what they say about his freedom. Nomi shakes her head. 

“Let me grab you some actual clothes first,” Amanita jumps in.

So that’s how he finds himself exploring San Francisco. The neighborhood that Nomi’s apartment is located in is clearly one full of young adults and those who are older without kids. It’s city living with many people out walking or biking. What he notices now as Bucky versus the Asset is the sheer variety of restaurants. Out of the blue--perhaps called by the thoughts of food--Kala is there beside him where before there had been no one. Technically there still isn’t. 

“Papa would love to see all this. Try everything and compare it to his own cooking. However, Bucky, you must remember to go slowly with eating. Your body is unused to anything but what you were given in that awful place,” she gently instructs. He nods. It seems quite cruel to have been set in a place with so much food to offer that his fucked-up stomach can’t handle. The further he walks the more his stomach begins to growl and soon pinch with hunger. 

He pushes on regardless of his body, drinking in the normalcy of being around regular people. Bucky himself is dressed in sweatpants that are bordering on indecently tight and an oversized hoodie of Nomi’s that’s tight across his shoulders. More to the point, he blends in with everyone. Amanita had tossed him a dark ruby red beanie to complete the outfit. Just another person amongst the many.

What life is he to have here? He is a ghost, by all accounts. A body that many years ago mouldered away. This newfound freedom is suffocating. He’s drowning in all the possibilities with the paranoia that Hydra is even now searching for him. By this time he’s getting woozy, muscles feeling shaky after going without nutrients for near two days. Bucky turns homeward, pulled by the bright thread of Nomi. Today he will try water and a few spoonfuls of tomato soup. He’d seen Nomi put away the leftovers after he’d thrown up. At this rate he won’t be able to maintain the caloric intake he needs to sustain this muscle build. So be it. Bucky knows how to train.

When he walks in the door, the women’s relief is palpable. No mental connection needed to figure that one out. Nomi and Amanita are having lunch tucked in on the couch the TV playing with the volume low. Listening for his footsteps, perhaps?

Bucky unties the laces of his boots (the only thing of his not being washed) politely inquiring, “May I have some soup?” He may be a killer, but that doesn’t mean he’s without his manners. 

Amanita hops up from the couch before she seems to remember herself and sits back down. She gestures towards the kitchen, casual as if she meant to do that. “Sure, go ahead. You know where to find the food.”

A smile touches his lips. He does indeed. Once he’s gotten himself a small bowl of soup he settles down beside Nomi on the couch. Without missing a beat she rests the side of her knee on his thigh. Bucky loves the subtle inclusion. 

\--

The second night Bucky sleeps much better waking in the morning refreshed and cozy, wrapped up in two large blankets. What he really wants is to take another shower even though he just had one yesterday. Still, he is free now, he has chances and he wants to get cleaned up. Shave too, since he’s getting stubble already. He likes the feeling of having a smooth face. One habit he gladly takes away from Hydra. Politely he waits until Nomi and Amanita have used the bathroom before he heads in. This time he uses peppermint shampoo and the scentless bar of soap. It’s gentle on his skin, unlike what he used to be washed with. 

Today when he gets dressed he has clothes that fit. Nomi had bought him a handful of shirts, pants, underwear and socks (he had blinked to her in the store) in the very early morning hours. When he returns to the living room, Amanita is eating pre-made waffles at the kitchen counter, Nomi is standing by the couch seeming hesitant about something.

“Bucky, I was wondering if you’d want to meet our other sensates. You’ve seen Kala, I think, and now me, but I thought maybe seeing everyone in a better...place would be nice.” 

Bucky relaxes at hearing that. He thought this was going to be a speech about him having to leave now that he can eat. 

A nod. “Sure.” Nomi smiles, pleased at his easy acquiesce to meeting everyone. 

“Great! I thought maybe we could start with Capheus and Riley. Two people at a time so it’s not overwhelming for you.”

He nods. Whatever makes her happy because it’s clear she’s had this in mind likely since before they stole him away. He’s curious to meet those who make up the humming threads in the back of his mind. Perhaps it’s a sign that he is truly broken that he’s not blinked in where they are like he has with Nomi at the store.

A heartbeat later and in the space of a blink Riley and Capheus are here in the living room smiling at him. Nerves sing through their threads, infecting him. Where his stomach and heart were fine moments before, now both are acting weird. His stomach is wringing itself and his heartbeat has picked up, butterflies in his lungs. He frowns, pressing a hand to his chest.

Riley smiles apologetically tucking her hair behind her ears in self-consciousness. “Sorry, looks like we affect you being closer now.” Bucky isn’t quite sure what to say back to that (or really at all), so he offers his hand instead. Nomi watches them from her place on the couch. He can practically feel her hope that this meeting goes well radiating. It’s unsettling to be so affected by his sensates when for so long emotions have been anathema. The only way to keep sane was to have only those he was ordered to feel. Somehow he will figure out how to deal with emotions. He’s not going to waste this chance they have given him at this new life. 

Riley blinks in surprise at the silent offer of a handshake but firmly clasps his hand. Good, she knows a proper handshake, at least. She’s got a delicate frame with peroxide bleached hair and a streak of blue running through. The picture of a fairy. He turns his gaze to Capheus, who grins and encloses him in a hug before Bucky can really think to say anything. Capheus is tall and broad in the shoulders, with warm eyes that match a smiling mouth. Warmth is an aura around him. It is soothing to be held by Capheus even for those few seconds. 

Capheus backs off, although he still holds Bucky’s hands. Odd; there is not even a flicker of discomfort at touching the metal one. “It’s good to meet you, Bucky. How are you doing?” So solicitous towards him, a stranger. Well, a stranger who shares his mind. They both have accents. Riley from somewhere in Scandinavia, perhaps Iceland; Capheus possibly from Nairobi? Bucky’s had his ear trained to distinguish general accents. 

He shrugs. “Fine. I eat lots of soup.” Really there isn’t much to say. He spends his days inside watching TV or, more often, reading the multitude of books Nomi and Amanita have. Currently he is working his way through _The Vagina Monologues_. It is disturbing to see the similarities in what these characters have suffered with their bodies mirror his own experiences. 

There’s a moment of indecision when it becomes clear that he’s not going to expand upon his first days living in the normal world before Nomi jumps in. It’s not that he means to be cold or uncooperative but Bucky truly doesn’t know what he has to offer for them to learn. What answers they seek from him.

“Thank you Riley, Capheus. Come see us soon. I’m gonna have Will and Lito show up next.” Nomi cheerfully interjects standing up from the couch to hug them each in turn. 

“Bye, Riley and Capheus! Good to know you were here!” Amanita adds from where she’s now lounging in bed reading a book. All three smile at her comment. 

Just as soon as they disappear Will and Lito are here. Both seem quite nervous (even more so than Nomi has been) and unsure of how to interact. The silence stretches between them as Nomi sits on the couch ready to moderate if need be. But what does Bucky say to these people he doesn’t know? Nice to meet you? Thanks for breaking the brainwashed mindset I was under? 

“I’m Wolfgang.” The blond haired man introduces himself first breaking the silence. The deep set eyes give his German accent a hint of foreign elegance. There is a lid on the feelings coming through the connection. Wolfgang is calm, curious and unbothered by Bucky’s new status as a sensate to him. 

In direct contrast, the handshake from the other man with the more muscular stature is singing with tension and nerves. Lito is fidgety and unsure of whether to look at Bucky (or more likely avoiding the metal arm) or not. It’s overwhelming, the crush of frantic emotions bursting from Lito’s thread at this close physical proximity. Bucky wants him to go, to take away the restlessness. 

“Well, you’re settling in nicely, yes? Nomi is lovely. She - you both must come visit sometime.” Lito rambles getting an unimpressed side eye from Wolfgang. He catches the look making a face back. “What, you don’t believe me? Hernando and Daniela would love the company. We could all meet Amanita!” 

Wolfgang shakes his head with an eyeroll, “You’re bad at covering your feelings despite being an actor.” He turns pale green eyes on Bucky who has stood still as a statue during this exchange. It is taking everything he has to not crawl out of his skin to get away from Lito’s anxiety. 

“We’ll come visit when Lito’s calmed down.” A smirk. “So maybe in a year.” Wolfgang blinks out from the room. Lito manages a shallow nod before he too disappears. At this point Bucky sinks down onto the couch working on his breathing. Nomi watches him carefully perhaps worried that she is pushing him too hard or that he might lash out. Whichever one he’s glad for the break in between visitors. It is nice to actually see the faces of his sensates rather than basing them off the feelings coming from the threads of connection.

“Bucky, do you want to meet the last three? Or do you want to stop for today?” Nomi gently asks, not reaching out for him as he can sense in her thread that she wants to. 

A nod. “I want to finish.” He can do this. For god’s sake, he has tolerated far worse. The least he can do is finish meeting his sensates. 

Next comes Sun and Will. Thank god they are more in control of their emotions. Whether Nomi spoke to them before this arranged meeting or not, Bucky's grateful that they are far more collected. Lito is still at home pacing around mulling over meeting him. Bucky clamps down on his thread to keep Lito's emotions from leaking over anymore then it is currently. 

Will braves a smile, offering his hand. Bucky shakes his hand and Sun's too. Both have firm grips. A good sign that is. He's curious about Sun; from her posture, it's clear she's got training. Her posture is tall and straight. She's slender, but Bucky notices the toned physique to her. Will looks like a typical white man. Brown hair, green eyes and an average build. Nothing remarkable about him. But then again he, Bucky, is the outlier amongst these civilians.

"Hello, how're you?" Bucky remembers to ask, observing the polite social niceties. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Nomi smile in pleasure at that. A good point for his behavior. Clearly he can get the hang of being social too. Perhaps he's not completely hopeless even after Hydra. 

"Good. How's things been here? We've tried not to pop in unannounced, but man," Will laughs, shrugging, "I didn't realize how hard that was gonna be. It's weird to try and control the connection in such a way." Bucky nods along. He's unsure of where to go from here. Thankfully Sun steps in.

“You should train us sometime. Your combat and weapons training are extensive.” 

The tension ratchets up between Will and Nomi so fast that even Amanita looks over from her book able to sense that something’s off. 

“What’s up?” Amanita asks aloud. Nomi’s gaze flickers from Will to Bucky, unsure if she should repeat whatt Sun just said. 

“Sun made a good point. She wants to use my Hydra training to protect the cluster, but Nomi and Will are afraid mentioning it is upsetting,” Bucky relays calmly to show just how unperturbed he is by the suggestion. 

“Oh.” Amanita answers, giving a wide eyed look at Nomi’s back. 

“She’s right. I’m no use just sitting here. I can teach you all. No relying on the connection to protect each other,” Bucky continues, for once in this entire day confident in what he speaks about. 

“Well...if you’re okay with it, we can try that,” Will gently answers, darting a glance to Nomi, who gives a helpless minute shrug. They are unsure of how to react to his casual attitude towards Hydra. Right now all he wants is to focus on building this new life and protecting his cluster. No time to play squeamish at the mention of his recent past. 

“Thank you, Bucky,” Sun tells him in the uncomfortable silence that falls. He nods. This is all he can offer so it’s only right he do so. It’s not long before the two blink away after saying their goodbyes. This time when Bucky’s heart rate picks up it’s not from the influence of his sensates. He himself is nervous to meet Kala. The one who saw him as the Asset in? its most pathetic, weak state. Hers is the voice that heralded the loss of his control and the crippling punishments afterwards. 

He shifts on his feet crossing his arms across his chest in preparation. When Kala blinks in he’s not prepared for the kind face that greets him. He had never actually looked at her, only heard her voice as the Asset. Kala’s accent marked as from South Asia, his best guess possibly being India.

She looks upon him without fear or hesitation. His guess was right of possibly being from India. She has the dark brown skin, hair, and eyes that are typical of that ethnic group. How much like savages Hydra must seem to her. What must she think of him, a product of them? 

“I’m glad to meet you finally. Are you better now?” Kala asks tentatively reaching for him though she hesitates as if waiting for his permission. A novelty to be asked. He offers his hand a tingle in his stomach when their palms meet. The connection intensifies with this physical touch. It’s like seeing double vision. Bucky is here yet he’s also looking at himself through Kala’s eyes. A sense of sickening vertigo before she’s releasing him eyes wide in concern. Nomi has her hand over her mouth, Amanita scooting out of bed worried by the reactions of the two people she can see. 

Nomi gently waves Amanita away, “I’m okay...I think Bucky just had a bit of a reaction. Like it was too much to touch Kala and have the connection at the forefront with her here.” She theorizes already losing some of the paleness to her cheeks. “Kala, are you alright?” Nomi asks to which Kala nods gazing at Bucky with even more curious eyes. 

“I am. I’ll come back later. Tell Amanita hello for me.” Unlike the others she doesn’t wait but blinks away that moment. Bucky wonders if she’s disturbed by what happened. None of them say much after Kala leaves. He heads out the door for a walk. He needs some distance to think. 

\--

What Bucky comes to find out about Amanita is that she’s always looking for something new to do each day. Even without the mental connection, he can tell she is restless from staying indoors for the past two days. Admittedly he is too. A studio apartment doesn’t give many options for exploring. It took him only two hours to examine every nook and cranny when they were awake and a second time when they were asleep. Nomi and Amanita take turns leaving making sure someone is always staying with him, possibly to pretend at keeping him here; to keep a watch out for any Hydra agents is more likely. Granted, it’s not like these two could stop anyone determined to get in. But they are willing to try and he is grateful for their fierce protection.

It’s on Sunday that Amanita makes the declaration. “You’ve been in the house too long! We’re going to the farmers market.” 

He’s torn between eagerness to leave the house and the urge to stay hidden. Right now Hydra has not made a move against him, but it is only a matter of time. They are patient. They will wait until his guard is down or if that takes too long brute force him back to being the Asset. But he’s ready to go outside. He hadn’t escaped Hydra to spend the rest of his life cowering. Besides, maybe he can even try a sample of some juices or teas since now he can manage chicken broth (without noodles) and even applesauce. He appreciates the touch of sweetness to his current bland diet. Already he is hungry for more than his body can handle. He’s asked Amanita if, when he’s ready to have solids, she could make homemade bread. Since the bad incident with the tomato soup, he’s been craving the fluffy crunch of fresh bread.

But the biggest shock to his system (more than food itself) is that being with these two has made him want life with no hesitation. When he had finally trusted Nomi and opened his mind up to his fellow sensates it was to realize he wanted more than fear and paranoia to be his life.

So with that declaration, they all get dressed for the day (they’ve taken to lazing around). Notable is that even Nomi doesn’t protest them going out but eagerly gets ready. No doubt she misses the freedom of leaving the house unconcerned about needing to watch over someone. 

Although it’s the first few days into summer Bucky wears a light jacket and a cotton glove over his metal hand. Noticeable but less then his reflective arm. Amanita breathes in deep when they step outside, laughing as she twirls in a circle. Bucky smiles, allowing her to hold his hand when she comes back to them. The air is warm with the familiar summer scent of hot asphalt. They stroll to the farmers market, in no hurry to arrive.

What he’s not expecting is the huge variety of dogs there. Everything from Saint Bernards to miniature schnauzers. To his absolute delight the owners are more than happy to let him pet their dogs. When he’s not getting his hands or face licked, Bucky does manage to look at the food and crafts for sale. 

“My father would love to see all of this. Compare everything to his own recipes.” Kala says, amused, as she wanders with them. She’s careful not to brush up against Bucky, instead walking on Nomi’s other side.

“Mine could never be arsed,” Wolfgang adds in from Amanita’s right. “Funny how terrible you Americans are at replicating other people’s food,” he adds, poking fun, when Amanita stops to try some “genuine” German sausage. 

“At least they’re trying,” Kala gently reprimands him as she points for Nomi to try a sample of Chinese food. Nomi does as directed as the faint spicy taste rises in Bucky’s mouth. The ghost of taste. Unsettling.

They move on, Bucky trying a few juice samples while Nomi and Amanita indulge in other food on offer. The only time he regrets his stomach isn’t up for solids is when they walk by a truck where the scent of the hot oil and fried dough of funnel cakes drift out.

Amanita catches his longing look. “We’ll make our own when you can eat more,” she promises gently. It’s that night that they prepare dinner together, even letting him have a few tiny bites of the various dishes. Of course his stomach hates the introduction of solids, but he refuses to puke this time. He wants to be normal again.

\--

It is early in the morning, when the sun has only begun to climb over the horizon when Hydra strikes. One moment Bucky is sound asleep and the next there is a loud crash against the apartment door. All three of them jolt upright, suddenly awake. It’s at the second smash that Bucky realizes who is at the door. At third - the wood splintering in the middle - he’s on his feet, handgun equipped with a silencer in hand. He may be more civilized now, but that doesn’t mean he’ll forgo firepower.

“Go. The bathroom.” He mentally speaks to Nomi, pointing for Amanita’s benefit. Thankfully they don’t sit there frozen but flee to the bathroom, locking the door behind themselves. Good. They don’t need to see what’s about to happen. Bucky forces himself to regulate his breathing and sits back down on the couch. He relaxes into a dead-eyed stare, unperturbed by the smashing in of the door. He does his best to seal off the connection from the others. There can be no break in his composure in these first few moments.

“I see the Asset!” one of the agents shouts when the door finally gives way. Still Bucky doesn’t react, even as his heart is pounding. The Asset doesn’t respond until ordered. It does not acknowledge its own presence. A shock when only four agents sprint in doing a visual sweep of the apartment though their attention is only for him. A saving grace. The leader comes to stand in front of him, though Bucky keeps his head lowered, submissive. 

“Asset, report,” she orders. Bucky hesitates, tracking the footsteps of the other agents as they creep around. She shifts in front of him, forcing him to look up at her. A soft bang and she is screaming, writhing on the floor, hands between her bloody legs. Another bang and a second agent is dead, right eyeball burst. 

The two remaining agents left dive for cover. Bucky sprints for the one trying to cram themself under the bed. He grabs their ankle, yanking them to pull them out. Bang to the back of the head. The last is hiding behind the island counter, gun abandoned. Unready for the horror when the obedient killer turns on their handler. 

“Asset, stop! Stand down!” he squeaks out. Bucky stops watching the agent scuttling backwards. Disgust floods through him before he shoots him in the face. There will be lots of blood to clean up after this. He strides to the bathroom a minute, trembling overcoming him. “Stay put, Nomi, Amanita. It’s gruesome. Don’t come out until I say so,” he orders, hoarse. They shouldn’t have to witness this ruthless killing. Not until they are forced to.

“Are you okay, Bucky?” Amanita’s voice sounds as if she’s pressed to the door. Bucky’s lips tremble as heated tears well up. He isn’t. Not at all. But he must protect them at all cost. After all they have given him, it is only fair he sacrifice just as much.

Thankfully, when directed by Nomi to where the huge garbage bags are kept, Bucky can manage to maneuver the bodies inside separate ones. It’s another two hours before he’s cleaned up the blood from where it’s spattered around the apartment. His job isn’t made any easier when it’s clear that plenty of furniture and blankets got blood on them as well.

“Wait a half hour after I leave to come out,” he calls to the bathroom door before he lugs the bags out the door. 

When he returns home late at night he is light-headed with hunger and exhausted. In this regard it was far easier to be the Asset, all emotions suppressed and eventually erased. Bucky comes home to Nomi and Amanita scrubbing the entirety of their apartment. There’s even a new door in the frame, the only thing to attest to anything dangerous having happened. Even though he knows he removed any trace of blood or gore, he understands them wanting to ritually cleanse their home after the invasion. Without a word he joins in.

It is Amanita who breaks the hours-long silence once they finish sinking back into bed. Her and Nomi are spooning, Bucky comfortably sprawled out at their feet, taking turns rubbing at their toes and the arches of their feet. 

“How could they find us like that? I know we didn’t leave anything behind just how could Hydra have known _we_ had you? Like....” she chews at the inside of her cheek. “It doesn’t make sense. What if you decided to wander off on your own? Would they still know where you went?” 

“Bucky’s arm could have trackers. Besides, his combat boots are the only thing he has left from Hydra.” 

Sun’s presence is a surprise. She hasn’t blinked in nearly as much as their other sensates. Nausea and cold horror run through Bucky. An idiotic underestimating of Hydra. How else to keep track of their prized killer in the field? 

Bucky relays Sun’s words. “But how do we take it off? We don’t want to hurt him by playing with something we know nothing about.” Amanita says. Perhaps it shouldn’t surprise him that she’s not disturbed by the fact he’s got trackers in him but more concerned for his well-being. Amanita looks around for Sun who is sitting unseen by her. Unfortunate to be the girlfriend of a sensate and not be a part of the connection.

Nomi speaks up. “I know someone who can help.” 

\--

“Honeybee, you know you’re asking a lot of me, right? Shit, not that I don’t want to help but...” Bug drifts off as his bulging eyes shift to Bucky who stands beside Amanita, holding her hand. This is the only way and they all know it. 

“Bug. I wouldn’t ask otherwise. We can’t take him to a regular hospital and I know you’ve got connections to any and everything.” She doesn’t break her unflinching stare even as Bug’s eyes tick from face to face as he struggles to say yes. “We’re willing to pay whatever they want. He’s in danger while those trackers are likely his skin.” 

Bug swipes at his nose, antsy at the word _trackers_. She’s surprised he hasn’t bolted. She was sure that’d be the trigger.

Nervously he shifts from foot to foot, his fidgeting making his nickname apt. “They have one scheduled for tonight but if you pay as nice as you’re saying they’ll do him first.” 

Relief eases the suffocation clutching at her throat. She envelops him in a hug.

“Thank you, _thank you_ , Bug.” She breathes into his shoulder. Bug hugs her tightly only still and steady when hugging. Nomi can’t help but laugh when she feels Bucky join in on her right side.

“Oh--hi--thanks for the hug, man. Anything for my girl here,” Bug says, hugging Bucky back. A surprisingly capable hug for a one-armed man. Neets doesn’t join in but offers her hand when she and Bucky step back. A grin spreads across Bug’s face as he shakes her hand vigorously. 

“You’re a good guy,” she states, so matter-of-fact. Nomi is glad to hear that. She knows it rankled Amanita something awful when Bug misgendered her, Nomi, at first meeting after she’d transitioned. But now it seems she can tolerate him. After all, he’s going out of his way to save the man they both love.

-

An hour and a half later they are in a morgue. Either the management is aware of the under-the-table operations going on and pretending otherwise or these are some _skilled_ illegal locksmith surgeons.

“We’d suggest going under for this. It’s not going to be pretty,” the chubby Asian woman says, eyes only for Bucky who is laid out on the metal table naked, with his modesty only preserved by a towel. His expression is tired resignation as he shakes his head.

“I can handle it.” The woman glances at her and Amanita, who stand to the side, clenching each other’s hands. She sucks her teeth before she turns back rummaging through the rolling drawers she’s got set up. A few seconds of clattering she finds a mouthguard that looks well used.

“Here. You’ll need this at least, tough man.” 

Without a word of complaint Bucky takes the mouthguard between his teeth and suddenly Nomi is on the table being given the mouthpiece. A sense of deja vu. This has happened before in conditions far more appalling than these. She nearly gags on the plastic taste before she’s back in her own body sagging against Neets. 

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Neets hisses in her ear as she struggles to hold her up, trying not to let the would-be surgeon know what’s going on. Everyone’s jumpy enough as it is. This is not the time for fainting spells. 

Nomi regains her feet turning so that her cheek is pressed to Amanita’s whispering in a hoarse voice. “This--this has been done to him before. I was in his head--he had a flashback.” 

-

Bucky doesn’t give his reasons, but he refuses to be put under. Not after Hydra. Being put under meant waking up changed: if not physically, then mentally. He runs his tongue along the mouthguard that digs at the inside of his cheeks. It’s too big, but all that he has to work with. He feels even more helpless in this situation without his metal arm. Two weeks of puzzling by top mechanics (working without charge they were so fascinated) had gotten it removed. Without his arm he is less able to defend against Hydra agents, but the throbbing pain that had become a daily part of his life for so long is gone. The removal of the arm also means he is less distinctive to passersby and right now that is of the utmost importance. 

The plastic squeaks as the chubby woman peels off the sterile covering on the scalpel. Donning surgical gloves, a mask and protective eyewear she gets to work. The dragging, burning pain causes Bucky to grunt and pant as she slices open the spot on his right tricep almost in his armpit. A stifled yell that is his but somehow not. He is here and yet he’s an inch outside of his skin. _Wolfgang is being pulled in his place_ , Bucky belatedly realizes as he struggles not to writhe, sweat sliding over his skin. He feels her squeezing at the tiny bump under his skin coaxing the tracker out. A tiny _pop_ and sizzle as it falls into the cup of acid is a wonderful sound. 

Three more times she cuts into him, stopping only to deposit the trackers into the acid. Lito is pulled in by the final cut, unashamed to scream although Bucky fights to stifle it. The woman doesn’t seem bothered by his struggling to be silent, just pauses for him to quiet down before continuing her work. Finally she finishes swabbing down the wounds with antiseptic wash and bandaging his triceps and thighs in strips of gauze. After cleanup, Bucky is allowed to sit up and given back his clothes.

There stand a horrified Sun and an awed Capheus beside Nomi. Bucky dips his chin at them, exhausted from this simple procedure. Sweat-slicked, he lets Nomi and Amanita help him off the table, at which point he uses the modesty towel to carefully wipe himself down.

“Drink plenty of fluids and get rest. I may be an illegal doctor but I’d advise eating more too. Even I can tell you’re underweight,” the nameless woman orders as she shakes their hands goodbye. They waste no time getting out of there. 

Amanita waits until they’ve switched three cabs, circled around two blocks on foot, and ducked into a crowded late night diner to hug him tightly.

“Thank god! How are you feeling? Now those bastards will have a tough time finding you,” she exclaims, grinning. Bucky hugs her back privately agreeing with her excitement. Call him naive but he desperately wants to have a quiet life with them.

\--

For a time afterwards things are quiet. Bucky’s diet includes pureed solids in addition to his usual liquids. He’s even learning to cook and bake. He finds pies the most delicious (though he’s only able to have a tiny bite when he does make them), but he really loves decorating cakes and cookies. It speaks to his desperation that he lets his guard down as the months go past. How could he not? Free of both the trackers and his metal arm, he is nigh on unrecognizable in comparison to the mindless man Hydra made him into. 

It’s a year before Hydra strikes again. This time they don’t overlook Nomi and Amanita. The agents find them at another farmer’s market as they browse around. Before Bucky can even think, what were regular civilians strolling around them are jumping them. Nomi and Amanita are prised apart, guns held to their heads while another four guns are trained on him. 

“You’ve damaged the Asset!” one of the agents snarls when Bucky holds up his hand, the metal arm conspicuously gone. 

“Bucky, run!” Amanita shouts, which earns her a slap across the face, a yelp from her lips. Nomi lunges, but fighting is futile against the agents restraining her. Bucky grinds his teeth. They are outnumbered. Even with his training there’s no getting out of this without casualties. 

He must surrender.

It happens in a blur.

Police sirens are wailing before there are loud voices shouting for the civilians to move and get out of the way. 

“Put down your weapons!” A officer shouts, alarmed by the guns and bristling hostage situation. By now a sizable crowd has ringed them in although most people stay in areas of cover behind vendors’ stands and the vendors’ vehicles. They are scared to get caught in the crossfire but too curious to listen to common sense and _leave_. 

“Back off!” a Hydra agent barks swinging their gun on the officer. A step too far.

A shot fires and chaos bursts forth. People are screaming, stampeding away, the officers shouting and trying to charge through the mob. Before Bucky can fight towards Amanita, Wolfgang is physically forcing him to run away. He wants to save them but his body is not under his control anymore. 

“Thank me later,” Wolfgang grits out with Bucky’s voice as he fights to maintain control. Bucky’s so far outside his skin it feels like his head is floating on a string away from his body. 

It’s hours later before Wolfgang lets him have the use of his limbs back. Wolfgang’s thread quiets to near silence, exhausted at the mental exertion he’s just gone through. Bucky keeps on the way Wolfgang was leading him. It’s clear he needs to leave the state, although he’s unsure of where he’s to go next. There was never any emergency plan thought up.

Sun is at his side, her stride matching his own. She is impeccable in a pressed green shirt and black flowing skirt. 

“You’ll be coming to live with me. I’ve purchased a ticket for you to Seoul at the closest airport in Arizona. Buy yourself a bus ticket to Phoenix with the debit card Nomi gave you. She deposited more money on there,” Sun explains, matter-of-fact. Bucky nods, glad to follow along with what’s expected of him. Better that than to fall to pieces. His mind is silent and still. So much he has lost. If he wouldn’t be forced to go to Sun, he’d turn around right now. It was Amanita who screamed at the gun shot. 

A cold pit drops in his stomach. There’s no way she would survive a point blank shot to the head. Such a horrible thing could have been avoided if....if what? Hydra was coming for him, everyone in their way be damned. The logical thought does nothing for the cold sweat creeping over him. It’s not until he’s on the bus to Phoenix does Nomi blink into the seat next to him. Bucky’s not surprised the other sensates of their cluster haven’t appeared. 

She’s shaken, her eyes and nose blotchy pink the rest of her face pale. Her eyes are puffy from the copious amount of crying she’s clearly been doing. Even so she reaches for him. Bucky gives her his hand which she tightly grasps as if he is the last of her strength. He can’t stem the flow of emotions overwhelming her thread. Grief, shock, relief tangle in his throat as tears prickle in his eyes. 

Nomi’s voice is rough. “Neets - she’s okay. The - the bullet grazed her skull,” she chokes out. “She’s had stitches, ten of them, and they’ve got her on some high-level painkillers right now. She’s okay, Bucky. Neets is - is gonna make it.” Bucky nods, his throat tight with tears, relieved that Nomi is fighting back. For both their sakes, he thinks. 

“Where will you go? Hydra knows where you live,” He says unwilling to add his own emotions to the overflow happening through the connection. 

“We’ve got our own network. We’ll be okay. You just focus on making it safely to Sun.”

\--

The plane ride is grueling a fifteen-hour flight with one stopover. Sun meets him at the airport. It’s surprise to find Lito there too (at least mentally, through the connection). Bucky hasn’t seen Lito since their first awkward meeting with each other. 

“Bucky. It’s good to see you’re okay. Nomi told us what happened.” Suddenly Lito grabs ahold of his hand. “You’re very brave. I’m an actor and even I couldn’t have stayed as calm as you did.” There was no acting in that headscape of being the Asset. He was what Hydra molded him to be. 

But he doesn’t contradict the kindness meant behind that statement. Lito accompanies them home, chattering about his recent movie and ensuing publicity field day. Bucky appreciates the diversion at the same time he wants Lito to be quiet. Nomi’s thread is still burning with trauma and grief despite Amanita making it out alive. Sun herself is quiet, letting Lito fill the silence for them all.

It’s a relief when they arrive at Sun’s apartment building and Lito bids them farewell, air kisses on their cheeks before he blinks away. What Bucky notes as soon as he walks in the door is that Sun’s apartment is well-scrubbed, organized and quiet.

Even Moon, her Shiba Inu dog, doesn’t bark at their arrival. Instead she hops down from Sun’s bed, trotting over to greet them.

“I bought an air mattress and clothes for you already, so you don’t need to worry,” Sun says. Bucky nods, his eyes on Moon. The atmosphere is different from Nomi and Amanita’s apartment bursting with color from the furniture, aromatic scents from wax warmers, and the regular noises of tenants all around them. By no means is it silent here, but a hush is settled like a fine layer of dust. 

It’s not long after he settles in for the night that Sun heads out with a duffel bag over her shoulder. At first she had not mentioned she had anything planned at all but, like with Amanita, he could tell she was getting restless from the way she was bouncing her leg constantly. Bucky insisted she not miss her training session as it’s clearly become vital for her mental health after being released from prison early. Not long after he lays down for bed he is out like a light. A welcome reprieve from the intense strain of emotions in these past two days.

-

Bucky takes quickly to Moon. He adores her, to be frank. Sun, who is an early riser by habit, gets to sleep in now because Bucky feeds Moon in the morning and takes her for two walks a day, one just as the sun is creeping up the east side of the buildings and another when it sinks below the cityline each day, exhausted. 

The first week she accompanies him, not because she thinks he’ll get lost (Bucky’s sense of direction is impeccable), but because she wants to point out her favorite restaurants and quiet areas around town. 

The time with Sun is calm. 

When he looks back on his months spent with her it will be one of contentment. She teaches him Tai-Chi. The poses force him to focus on his body, inhabit it in a way he’s not done in so long. It is during these moments he loosens his stranglehold on the threads of connection in his mind. Of course he cannot totally prevent the feelings that leak over from the others; however, he can dampen them. 

Despite the pandemonium and upheaval they all have experienced, life does indeed go on. Soon enough Bucky’s settled into the routine of new habits. The same can be said for his sensates’ sex lives as well.

Out of the blue one day--during his regular practice of Tai-Chi--Kala and Wolfgang decide to fool around with each other. Well it’s Wolfgang first as he’s masturbating. Bucky’s not really thinking of anything when arousal sparks in his nipples. He frowns, running his hand over them to ease the sensation but that doesn’t stop his balls from aching as his cock starts to stiffen. Before he can suss out why he’s aroused, he’s in Kala’s head. She’s laid out on her stomach in bed (she’s so tiny. Five inches off his own height) her hands bunched into the comforter crumpled under her hips. The odd weight of her breasts as she rocks into the bunched fabric in her hands. 

Through the connection Wolfgang is lying in her bed slowly jerking himself off to her.

Bucky pulls himself away unsettled and a little disgusted. Objectively he understands they didn’t mean to pull him in, perhaps they didn’t realize he was there during a moment of such intimacy. But he doesn’t like being turned on without his active participation. Too much a reminder of the agents getting the Asset sexually aroused, in order to play with it. It’s not Wolfgang and Kala that the disgust is for but his own body for so easily, so desperately yearning for their pleasure. He is nothing more then a rutting beast eager for any sort of touching. 

\--

Four months slip away in relative quiet. Moon follows him around the apartment, begging to go with whenever he goes on his hours-long wanderings around the city and beyond when Sun is at work. Sun is fine with these treks, as long as he brings Moon’s dog food and water along so Moon is fed and hydrated after so much exercise. 

One of his hobbies is to try cooking and baking various Korean dishes. Sun isn't one to cook for herself and her job within her father's corporation (she assumed CEO position when her father and brother died) means she's able to hire a chef to come in and prepare a week's worth of meals once a week. There's a maid that used to come in too but she was dismissed when Bucky was on his flight from Arizona to South Korea. Bucky has to say he likes the domestic side of things. When Sun is at work or her fights and Bucky doesn't feel like taking his walks or exploring the city, he regularly scours down the house .

Sun must have said something to the chef who comes in because now, on Tuesdays, he takes cooking lessons from her. He enjoys this arrangement. 

Even though Sun herself doesn't care to cook, she's pleased to partake of Bucky's efforts, offering critiques of flavor and texture on his dishes. He likes the challenge of making food for someone who is not himself. He's mostly weaned off his liquid diet, bread and other fairly plain foods have been integrated, which is a wonderful improvement from before. When he's not cooking he spends large parts of his time reading and journaling. It was out of the blue Bucky got the urge to write one night when he woke up from a nightmare of being captured by Hydra. He poured his panic into one of the legal pads Sun had tucked into her desk, finding it a sieve for his emotions. It was like emptying out his brain. When the shops had opened later that morning he'd gone out and purchased two journals for himself, ready to pour more of himself into these pages. 

The one hobby that they engage in together is sparring. 

Bucky comes to adore Sun’s proficient ability to fight with him. She’s no match for the training Hydra has put him through, but these practice fights aren’t about superiority of skill, rather a test of endurance. How long they can take jabs and kicks at each other. By the end they are soaked with sweat, panting and gasping, as they trade weak blows. They attend Sun’s dojo to have the needed space and instruction to spar with one another. The old man who was Sun’s coach before and after she was imprisoned had been skeptical of his disability, but had been willing to work with him too at Sun’s insistence of his skill.

Another thing is that she doesn’t pull her punches when he asks her to outright fight. Even with only one arm, he’s proud that he can keep up with her well enough. With continued practice Bucky knows he can get back to peak fighting readiness to make up for what he has lost. And truth be told, what he misses from his life as the Asset is the intense training. No. Bucky doesn’t miss or want to be the Asset ever again, he corrects himself. What he enjoys is the rekindling of his awareness towards his body in a different way than Tai-Chi offers. Now he fully inhabits his body, not suppressed by the Asset mindset.

In regards to their sparring, they have moved onto ground fighting. Up until then they have only traded punches and kicks, taps in comparison to what ground fighting requires in terms of physical proximity. One reason he hesitates to ask is his own uneasy concern that he might become unintentionally aroused by Sun. But if Bucky’s truthful with himself the main issue isn’t that but the general physicality required. Amanita and Nomi often held his hands and hugged him, but never took the touching further than that, which he was fine with. 

He musters up the courage to say fuck it and finally ask.

“Can we try ground fighting today? I need the practice.” Bucky had told himself he wouldn’t let Hydra define him. He’ll consider this another step in the right direction, working to lose this aversion to full body contact.

For her part, Sun does not comment on the jittery, shaky feeling humming from his thread in her mind. She nods. “A good change-up to make sure your one arm isn’t a hindrance.” Another thing he appreciates is her blunt words. He doesn’t want to be crippled from losing his metal arm and neither does she. 

They begin in starting position. Bucky lays down on his back on the mat, legs spread enough for Sun to situate herself between them and his feet flat on the ground. Sun moves into his personal space (he struggles to admit he likes the smaller solid weight of her against him), hesitating for a moment until he nods, and lays herself on top of him. Bucky wraps his legs around her waist, locking his ankles together. 

There's no way he can hide the way his heart is beating fast, nor the fact he's started to sweat. 

"Bucky, are you okay?" she asks. An echo of Amanita through the bathroom door. He focuses on his breathing working to keep himself from panicking or giving up on this. They haven't even begun fighting.

"Nervous. Scared," he answers truthfully. If he is going to move forward away from what Hydra did, then he needs to be up-front with how he is feeling. Of what's going on with him. There's no need to hide what's upsetting him. Sun is here for him. 

Sun's head moves against his chest as she looks up at him even as he stares at the ceiling.

"We can stop now." She doesn't say he doesn't have to push himself. That's the entire point of why he asked her in the first place: to push past this obstacle of full body contact. 

A blink and Wolfgang is looking down at him, his face hovering over Bucky’s as he’s down on his hands and knees as well.

Wolfgang raises his eyebrows. “Don’t be a pussy. You’re gonna be fine. Besides, we’re not gonna be celibate for you so come on. Man up and practice. You won’t die from this.” 

“Wolf,” Sun hisses, anger snapping through Bucky and, without a doubt, Wolfgang too. He must realize how badly he misspoke there because he’s quick to apologize.

“Tut mir leid, Sun. I shouldn’t have said that. I meant you can face your fears, gender has nothing to do with that,” Wolfgang corrects himself, looking quite contrite. Sun’s tension makes clear she’s not ready to let go of that comment, but she nods stiffly in acceptance of the apology. Wolfgang looks down at Bucky and in an uncharacteristic move for him leans down to nuzzle Bucky’s cheek.

“You’ll be okay. Now make Sun proud,” he whispers, a smile in his voice, before he blinks away. Wolfgang’s right. It isn’t fair to expect his sensates to lose out on intimacy with one another. He wants that affection just as much and he won’t be cowed by his own emotions.

The assurance from his sensates is just what he needs. 

"I want to try some techniques. There were some beginner books at the library that modeled simple moves." Not that he needs to read about anything to do with fighting, but he enjoys the pastime of reading. Besides, he's finding out about so much that Hydra never taught him. Sun nods. She’s ready whenever he is.

Afterwards, when they shower and head home, Bucky speaks about what’s been on his mind since he began journaling. Today’s practice further picked at the thought he’s been pondering more seriously since he arrived here months ago. 

“You took me in without question. Is it because I’m your sensate?” Bucky asks. He still feels like he can’t trust his own mind. The seeping in of their emotions makes him feel uncertain of his own. His feelings seem to be in constant flux with them pinging in the back of his mind. Currently from the others he can feel a myriad. Interest from Will, contentment from Riley, sleepy from Lito who has been prodded awake, worried from Kala. From Sun herself is hesitation. There is a wrong way to answer this.

“Because you needed help and our connection works both ways. I have a sense of how you feel. I watched you with Nomi and Amanita. What kind of man you were as you recovered with them,” Sun answers, simple as that. 

“It is difficult to be alone. It wasn’t until I became a sensate that I realized that.” Sun speaks into the silence that has settled over them. Bucky looks over at her from his couch to hers where she is sprawled on her back, the sunlight pouring over her slender body. “How alone I had been since my mother passed away. Since I was but a girl my father had nothing to do with me. He never loved me until I took the fall for my brother. I think...I think even then he did not love me. I believe the closest he ever came to that was gratitude.” 

Bucky doesn’t speak, only watches her, waiting for more. Her thread throbs with grief. She knows what it is like to be put aside until needed. How one is molded into what is needed, not what one could be. “I don’t say this to garner sympathy but to explain that in a small measure I can understand a part of your trauma.”

The word _trauma_ takes him aback. Bucky’s never thought of what was done to him as trauma, merely his training and punishments. The word changes entirely the context of what Hydra did to him. He is both a victim and a survivor by using that definition of trauma. This is something to recover from when before he had thought of these instincts and skills as ones honed for fighting. But no...they are ones of survival born from terror and agony. 

Sun looks over at him. “We don’t want you to be alone anymore. You are us and we are you now, for better and for worse.” 

He can feel the truth to her words. 

\--

With this declaration that they are here for him, Bucky finally opens up the connection in his mind, accepting the flow of emotions between them. He visits Riley in her and Will's apartment in Chicago, happy to play tourist for her as she shows him around. They even take the time to visit the enormous silver bean, Riley regretfully saying she wished she could take a picture of them both. Next time Riley blinks in to Bucky in Seoul, it’s while he's browsing around the shops and outdoor markets looking for some ideas of what to make for dinner. 

"I bet you won't eat that," Riley giggles, pointing at the seller who has octopus tentacles for sale. Bucky laughs because she doesn't know that he'll gladly eat anything put in front of him. No doubt his stomach will hate him for this, but he takes her up on it, purchasing an octopus tentacle (probably he's meant to buy more than one but he won't be able to stomach that much solid food). 

She laughs, cringing, as Bucky chews hard at the octopus tentacle he’s bought. It squirms, sticks to his teeth and the roof of his mouth.

“You’re gonna choke!” Riley squeals, grimacing at her shadow sensation of chewing the tentacle. Bucky smiles, swallowing hard. 

A huge surprise is that Lito shows up in the flesh as he’s on a worldwide press tour. During the turmoil with Hydra in San Francisco, Lito starred in his first American film. Technically, he wasn’t meant to be in South Korea, but makes the stop over for three days from his speaking engagements in Japan, demanding that he needs to get inspiration and rejuvenate himself. As he’s the prima donna of this tour, Lito’s wishes are met with speed and little protest besides a reminder he can’t miss his TV interview in Thailand. 

“Sun, you look good.” Lito smiles, opening his arms for a hug when they are back in Sun’s apartment, having met Lito downstairs from the cab. She smiles, stepping into his embrace. 

There is something between Sun and Lito--that much is obvious. Not favoritism, because how can you favor a mental connection out of eight? It’s that they are a matched pair in being opposites. Sun is calm and reserved. Lito is warm and tearful at the drop of a hat. However, Sun, in a weird roundabout way, gives Lito a needed outlet for anger. If blinking into Lito’s life has shown Bucky anything, it’s that Lito tries so hard to be accommodating. Sun is the rebel he needs, the role model that there are times and reasons to use your fists. 

Even if only in private, Sun is freer with her own sadness thanks to Lito unintentionally amplifying it all on his very own. This understanding doesn’t have Bucky feeling left out. Everyone had already bonded by the time his connection was unnaturally fused to theirs. He’s just as included as he allows himself to be.

Lito turns to Bucky after hugging Sun close for so long Bucky edges on feeling like he’s intruding. He smiles warmly, opening his arms. Bucky is happy to step into them. 

“Sun has not been taking advantage of your one arm in sparring, has she?” Lito asks, resting his temple against the side of Bucky’s head. An unexpected spark of arousal at the warmth of Lito’s breath against Bucky’s ear that he does his best to let just pass. 

Bucky leans into Lito’s muscular body, letting himself just enjoy his solid presence. He can have this without it going further. This is okay. He can manage this much. 

“No, but she doesn’t let me win because of it.” 

Lito huffs a laugh, squeezing him gently. Bucky still feels a little lopsided without the metal arm, but with Lito holding onto him so securely that’s diminished. 

“Of course not. Sun is too good to do that to you.” 

After dinner--which Bucky and Lito cook, Sun tasting what they make--they relax in front of the TV for a couple of hours, unwinding. Sun is stretched out on the couch with Lito sprawled across her. She almost disappears under his larger frame but doesn’t seem to mind in the least. Bucky is also laying on his side his feet tucked in between the couch and Sun’s side. Moon is sound asleep on the living room floor. 

It’s later that night they accompany Bucky and Moon on their daily walk. It’s peaceful, Lito chattering on about his new movie, the character he played, the plot and woes of character. A sense of normalcy once again. How desperately Bucky wants this to last. 

Once home, the cool, sweet air of night lingering on them, Sun offers that they can either share the couch bed or that Lito and Bucky can sleep with her in her bed. 

Sun looks to Bucky. “I know you are not fully comfortable with close contact but I wanted to offer.” He smiles with a nod. 

“Thank you and I want to.” Who knows when it will be more than two of them together at one time? One at a time they shower and dress for bed before burrowing in the sheets, Moon hopping up at their feet, ready to settle in once they stop moving around. Bucky is cozy on the left side of the bed, Lito snuggled between him and Sun, pleased when Moon flops down against his feet sighing in contentment. 

Here he is safe. Here in this bed he is home. Sleep hits him hard and fast. Bucky sinks into it gratefully.

\--

The next morning starts off lovely. Kala blinks in to find them all cozy in bed. Her amusement radiates through the connection intensifying Bucky’s drowsy warmth. He’s coming to see the upside of sharing emotions with eight other people. 

Lito groans, shifting from where he’s curled around Sun, Kala’s presence waking him up. Having another sensate in the room is that feeling of being stared at except twice as hard. 

“Come lay down, Kala. We are starting a cuddle pile! Wolfgang, Will, Riley, Nomi, Capheus--get in here!” Lito calls out, a laugh bursting from Sun, who is still hidden beneath the covers. Kala lays herself at their feet with Moon, Will joining and resting his head on her chest. Nomi and Capheus squeeze in on Sun’s side while Wolfgang and Riley spoon Bucky. 

“Look at the two gorgeous people I’ve got,” Wolfgang playfully leers from his place spooning Riley, who is pressed up against Bucky’s chest (he turned on his other side when she blinked in). Bucky can’t help the laugh at that. Never did he imagine he’d ever experience anything like this. Under Hydra he would live and die as the Asset, unloved and relegated to bloody silence. 

Riley reaches out, stroking his face. Even though she isn’t physically touching him, he melts at her firm caress. This gentle affection he can handle and craves.

For what feels like at least a couple hours they lie together like this. Undisturbed and soaking in the comfort from being together without it being an urgent, life-threatening situation.

Finally though it’s time to feed Moon and take her for her delayed morning walk while Lito needs to head out soon. They make a quick breakfast of scrambled eggs with plenty of veggies chopped up into it before Sun takes Lito to the afternoon ride he’ll need to catch.

What Bucky’s not prepared for on his walk is the sight of Captain America. Well--Steve Rogers, since he’s wearing civilian clothes, trying to blend in as much as a tall white dude can in South Korea. Bucky doesn’t recognize him, but sadly, the reverse isn’t true.

“Bucky?” He looks up at the sound of his name (later cursing himself for doing so), his brain struggling to place this hat-wearing guy with aviators on. The guy removes the sunglasses and Bucky’s heart drops in his chest.

Steve Rogers. _The Mission._

Fuck.

Steve approaches him and much as he wants to turn tail and sprint away, it isn’t really a viable option here. Yongsan District isn’t meant for running around. Besides, it would bring too much attention to them both. Even without the trackers, Bucky has been vigilant for Hydra agents, keeping an eye open for anyone acting oddly around him. But he’s not even given a thought to the Mission - Steve Rogers--past the fact he is the one who awoke the Asset’s humanity. He can’t afford to blow his cover as an ordinary foreign tourist.

Bucky checks around them but no one seems to be paying them any undue attention. He turns his focus back to Steve who has moved closer that look of wonder on his face.

“What do you want?”

But that’s not what Steve wants to hear. “Do you know who I am?” Bucky clicks his tongue for Moon to sit down and stop trying to sniff Steve.

“Yes, I know who you are. You’re Steve. What’re you doing here? How did you know where I went?”

Steve shakes his head, reaching for Bucky’s arm, stopping short when he notices the empty left sleeve of his light jacket. “I didn’t know you were here - and what happened to your arm? How did you escape from Hydra?” 

Bucky motions for Steve to start walking. Better they keep moving so it’s not so easy to identify Captain America on the sidewalk. He follows after at once. Really, you’d think the man would have an ounce of self-preservation what with constantly dealing with people trying to maim or kill him all the time, but nope. With no thought he trusts the guy who almost killed him the last time they met.

“Who is that?” Wolfgang has blinked in keeping pace as he walks backwards in front of them. Bucky throws him a sharp look of _go away_. But this is Wolfgang--not, say, Lito or Nomi, who would be more inclined to listen. Wolfgang returns the look with a scrunched-up expression. Bucky checks on Steve who has been watching and, yes, he has noticed the supposedly one sided looks.

Steve glances in front of them at Wolfgang, who he can’t see, and back to Bucky.

He gives a very fake smile. “What’s with the random faces?” he asks, trying to go for a joking tone. Likely he thinks Bucky’s cracked. He supposes there’s no better time to bring up the connection and his sensates.

“You’re familiar with the fact there are people with strange powers like the Scarlet Witch, yes?” Steve nods, understanding that this is a rhetorical question. 

“I’ve become one of them. There are people who have mental connections, telepathy basically. Somehow Hydra fucked up and I was branched onto a cluster. A cluster is eight people but now there are nine of us.”

Another nod. Steve at least is presenting a face of believing his story. 

“So...are your -,” he stutters on what to call them.

“Sensates,” Bucky supplies.

“Yes, are your sensates here? They can experience what you can?” He’s trying so hard to wrap his mind around this new concept. Moon sniffs around them, tugging slightly at her leash, uncaring of their conversation.

“Only Wolfgang, who was making faces at me--”

“You first!” Wolfgang retort,s falling into step beside Steve, still eyeing him up. There’s a glint of appreciation at this beefy blond. 

“The others are aware, yes, but not here. They’ve still got their own lives going on. And we can experience each other’s senses and feelings. Even control each other’s bodies but that’s in dire circumstances,” Bucky explains. 

Steve seems profoundly lost. He doesn’t blame him. This isn’t something he could have grasped without being a part of the cluster.

“Was it your - cluster that helped you escape Hydra?” 

“It was. They took me while I was on a mission. The Asset was trusted to go alone--just not when it came to Captain America.” Steve flinches at the reference to what he was seen as. At that moment, before he can ask any more questions, Steve’s phone is trilling from his right sweatpants pocket. He holds up a finger to Bucky before answering it, listening to whoever is speaking on the other end, affirming that he’s just taking a stroll around town before saying goodbye.

He looks crushed. “Bucky, I have to head back. They need me for a debrief and -,” He looks at a loss as to what to say. Steve goes for bluntly honest. “I don’t want to lose you again but tell me we can meet here again. Here - let me give you this phone number. It’ll be active for another month at least before they give me another burner.” 

A coldness overcomes Bucky as Steve pulls a tiny notepad from his other pocket and a pen. He scribbles down the number before pressing it into Bucky’s hand. There’s no way he can keep in contact with Captain America. This high-level connection will destroy the entire purpose of Bucky fleeing in the first place. But he nods along, allows Steve to desperately hand over the burner phone’s number. Anything to keep him pacificated. 

Steve swallows hard before suddenly he’s clinging onto Bucky in tight hug. 

“Please don’t leave me again, Bucky. I couldn’t live with myself knowing what Hydra had done to you.”

The numbness has seeped over him completely. Bucky cannot answer. 

\--

No doubt the honorable moral code he has will keep Steve from tracking Bucky home. All the more fool he is. Nonetheless, once he’s out of sight, Bucky starts sprinting. He can’t breathe, can’t focus his panicked thoughts on anything but getting away. 

“W-what happened, Bucky?” Will is wheezing. He’s flickered into Will’s body during his running. 

“I’ve been found.” Will’s eyes widen as he does a double take now running beside him.

“ _What_? By Hydra? But the trackers-,”

“No! By the Mission - Steve! Steve Rogers!” Bucky snaps, correcting himself, frustrated at the slip-up. 

He winds his way around the city, blinking to Sun, who is preparing for a fight. She’s in the middle of having her hands taped up, in fact. 

She looks up from the slow mummifying of her palms, brows creased in concern at the sudden appearance. 

“Steve found me. I’m leaving tonight. I’ll wait until after your match,” Bucky states. Even though he’s struggling to breathe, he won’t abandon Sun. He can afford to wait. He loves her too much to put Sun through another absent farewell.

He shouldn’t have expected that his other life wouldn’t catch up with him no matter the distance. Even without an arm and no longer under the brainwashing of Hydra, still Bucky cannot hide from the man he was. The life lost in wartime has pursued him through all these years. There’s never been a day he longed for the man he was before all this. It would only be a repeat of history to wish for such a thing. 

When Sun returns home hours later, flicking on the lights in her apartment, they only serve to highlight the bruises are darkening her face. He sits up, Moon grumbling at being dislodged from her place on his chest. 

“Moon.” Sun calls her name and clicks her tongue. Moon hops down walking over to her outstretched hand.

“I’m sorry. I wish this was different,” Bucky says, getting up off the couch and coming to stand in front of her. She gives him a small pained smile, surprising him with a tight hug. Different from the clutching hold of Steve. He embraces her, lips trembling as he struggles to hold back his tears.

“I understand. Help Capheus practice fighting. He needs it more then you do,” Sun says. A stifled sob muffled as a chuckle. 

\--

“It is not much, but what is ours is yours,” Capheus offers graciously. This tin roofed shack is just fine for Bucky. No longer does his skin prickle at the sensation of Steve possibly lurking in the shadows. 

“Thank you, Capheus. For all of this,” Bucky says, truly grateful that he’s been taken in with so little notice and such warmth. Capheus grins clapping him on the shoulder. 

“Of course! And now you will meet my mother. She is an amazing woman and cook. We will get you nice and fat. Too much working out with Sun has kept you thin,” he teases, eyes twinkling in jest.

Bucky snorts. “Stop making me nervous and introduce me already. She can be disappointed sooner that way,” he replies back breezily.

“You are no disappointment, Bucky. She will love you, that you can be sure of.” Here Capheus pushes open the front door, ushering him in, not allowing for any more self-deprecating comments. Capheus’ mom is in the kitchen cooking when they enter, though she turns to greet them happily. 

At once Bucky can see where Capheus’ smile comes from. She and he are exact replicas when smiling so warmly at others.

She strides over to them, offering her hands out, in which he places his one remaining hand. She lightly squeezes his hand between hers and even without the connection she expresses her gladness at him being here.

“I am Shiro. It’s lovely to meet you, Bucky. Capheus has spoken about you at length. You have not had an easy time, but you can rest easy here. There’s plenty for dinner as well, so please eat as much as you like.” 

After dinner, Bucky doesn’t know what to do with himself. Capheus heads out to hang out with his friend Jela, for which Bucky is glad. So instead of hovering around Shiro he goes to lie down on the second pallet made up for him. It’s not much, but he’s never needed luxury. A relief to lay down undressed to his underwear. The air here is muggy; however, he doesn’t mind. Rather, it makes him drowsy and able to drift off. 

Steve has no place in his thoughts tonight.

\--

The next morning Bucky wakes up as Capheus and Shiro are getting out of their respective beds. He squints at the window to find it’s still dark. There’s barely a trace of the sun coming up. For a minute he listens to the quiet steps of Capheus and Shiro as they talk to one another in soft tones. There’s nothing preventing Bucky from going back to sleep--indeed, his body is craving more--yet he can’t shake the need to be up with everyone. 

Capheus smiles and offers him a hug. “You’re awake! We both thought that you would be asleep for hours yet. I must go to work, but my mother will keep you company if you like or otherwise you may roam as you please.”,

Bucky is surprised by this quick display of affection but steps into his arms, allowing himself to be hugged. Also, there’s no way he’s going outside right now. Not with Steve alert to the fact he’s alive. If Steve knows, then there’s little doubt that Hydra has caught on to his last location in South Korea. He can only hope that somehow Sun isn’t discovered. 

This gets him a softer smile before Capheus turns to Shiro and hugs her.

“Have a good day, Mother. Bucky. I will see you after work. Wish me even more customers!” He laughs as he heads out the door, taking the lunch Shiro has packed for him. 

There’s not anything for Bucky to do, so he settles at the kitchen table to talk with Shiro. Maybe he should ask Capheus for a journal. Something where he can put his thoughts and emotions down onto paper. A physical reminder of the person he is. Concrete proof that no matter what Hydra took from him he is not the Asset any longer.

Shiro chatters as she moves about the tiny house, tidying what is already neat. Bucky watches her work, wanting to offer help; however, there’s little in the way of that as she won’t let him lift a finger. “As you can tell,” she says to him as she cleans, “I am quite ill, but my loving son keeps me healthy even though I don’t deserve him.” 

“Then I don’t either.” 

Shiro stops her bustling about, a concerned look on her face.

“But you do, my dear. Capheus has told me so much about you and what has happened in your life,” she protests. 

He raises an eyebrow. “You’d pardon someone for ruthlessly killing people?” 

Shiro hesitates, thinking over what she wants to say. He can wait for her to collect her thoughts. Most people would outright say no. 

“You had no choice in the murders you committed, unless you wanted to die instead,” Shiro states carefully. His sensates saw far more than he had thought they did. “But you took no joy in what you did. The killings saved your life. We will do desperate acts to live and I do not fault you for that, Bucky.” 

Bucky doesn’t know what to say to that. Shiro goes back to her cleaning. There is nothing more to be said. She’s made herself clear. 

\--

The days pass by, but Bucky doesn’t feel at home here. Not because of Capheus or Shiro, not at all. There’s an itch of restlessness, of always being on edge. It doesn’t help that he keeps himself locked up in the house despite repeated reassurances he can be dressed so that no one pays him any real mind. Their sensates try to speak with him, but he is distracted and brusque with them. He just wants to be alone and untouched. 

Finally Capheus will not let him stay in the house any longer.

“Come with me today on my route. Jela has the other bus. He won’t mind you keeping me company.” There’s no question in his tone. Bucky is getting out. 

As soon as the bus has loaded up with riders (a fast process due to Capheus’ reputation as kicking ass against the local gangs), they leave for the city. Immediately Bucky can tell the change in his mood. He doesn’t feel as if he’s a hermit locked away in a cave but a man emerging to see daylight again. Capheus tells him stories throughout the day, the regular riders jumping in when they hear one that they are familiar with.

By the end of the day, Bucky has only one question after listening to Capheus’ life story before all the other moments he shared. 

“How do you stay sane? I can’t understand you, Capheus. Again and again they try to tear you apart and yet you....you take it all so easily on the chin,” Bucky blurts out. He doesn’t mean to disregard what he’s been told, but this thought has been needling him since he arrived. 

“I am able to stay sane and get up every day because I believe that I can. Everything in my life has asked of me--demanded--sacrifice. One day even my own mother will do the same, even as she tries not to now, because of her death. No one has promised me I will never face another hardship once I overcome one or that I will not struggle from what I couldn’t control.” 

He pauses, seeming to think over what he’s going to say next. It seems he shares more with Shiro then Bucky first thought.

“You ran away because of Steve. Why?” Capheus asks casually. “I could not get a sense of your emotions at the time. The connection was clamped down.”

The bus creaks and groans as he carefully maneuvers around the swarms of the people. The vast apathy of people towards a big bus is surprising. Bucky gazes out at the crowds, rubbing at the velveteen armrest of the passenger chair. The night air from the open window washes over him, warm and muggy. There are so many smells in the air, creating a unique blend that is Capheus’ town. 

“I ran away because...he reminded me of the life I had before. I don’t remember what I was like. But Steve did. The first time he reached out for the humanity in me, he called out to me - to the Asset - back in the US and the next thing I knew I was a part of the cluster after being put through the Chair. Even brainwashed as I was, I think - I was reaching out for anyone.” Bucky pauses, working on his breathing, his chest tight. He’s getting a little lightheaded from unintentionally holding his breath. 

Capheus glances over the warm yellow light sliding over his face from other headlights and streetlights. “And in Seoul?” 

Bucky rubs at his lips. “I didn’t want him to know that I would never remember. I was selfish and didn’t want to be reminded of what I’ll never get back.” 

\--

It should be no surprise really that there is an efficient network between organizations considered evil or immoral. Of course, Whispers has been well aware of Hydra for some time, even before the release of those horribly incriminating documents by Black Widow. Really, Hydra’s quite behind the times with that piss poor quality encryption. But desperate times call for desperate measures. Whispers has no choice but to work with them. 

An unnatural happening has occurred.

\--

So much of his life has been on the run. From Hydra, to Captain America.

Even after Bucky starts to go outside more often with Capheus on his bus routes, he doesn’t let his guard down. But it’s not his vigilance that picks up people following--not him or Capheus--but Shiro.

“Capheus.” 

Shiro returns home one day worried and ill at ease. Bucky, reading on the couch, is attentive at once to her tone. Nothing good can come from this.

“People have been following me when I go to my friends’ houses, asking after you, and about our new house guest.” This last mention draws a true look of horror and fear on Capheus’ face.

“It must be Whispers, Mother. Hydra is only looking for Bucky, not our cluster.”

“What are Whispers?” Bucky asks, puzzled. By Capheus’ tone of voice they are someone or many people (more likely) to be feared. Something insidious in opposition to the way Hydra is brazen about how they’ve infiltrated ordinary roles. 

Bucky’s heart is picking up a shakiness in his chest. Capheus’ emotions.

“They are the ones who hunt us, who hunt sensates and their clusters. Hydra by a different name.” 

“You need to run. It is not safe for you here, Bucky.” 

The grief that wallops him is not just from Capheus.

\--

Bucky’s flight to Kala is no more chaotic than the ones before. He moves only at night, taking to wearing a plain blue surgical mask. While it is an identifying feature, it also means people do their best to avoid him. Perceived illness along with a missing arm does wonders for his personal space. 

Kala meets him at the bus stop at dawn. While he’s crammed in the bus, he uses Sun’s thread to escape the confinement. Sun’s working on her Tai Chi poses, a calming balm to the noisy, packed bus. Kala smiles in greeting but it’s strained with worry. Neither one of them expected for him to come live with her. But here he is. 

This time it is him who reaches for her, holding his arm out for a hug. However, Kala doesn’t reciprocate instead offering her arm to him. So he clasps the inside of her elbow (no more vertigo) and they begin the walk to her parents’ home. 

“Bucky, you should know...that my family is very traditional. They are not mean - but concerned for me as their divorced daughter. It’s scandalous here in India to do such a thing, so they’re very worried about my reputation,” Kala explains as they weave through the throngs of people. Already he is attracting stares and beggars. Kala shoos them off with a scolding tone in her native tongue at them. 

Bucky appreciates the sacrifice and risk she is taking on for him. Never will he be able to repay all that his sensates have done. 

\--

They have a quiet dinner though Bucky eats quickly and plenty before politely asking if he can go lay down. Kala knows she shouldn’t fuss over him what with his exhaustion from the trip here so she simply nods. Dad shows Bucky to where he will be sleeping before returning to the kitchen.

“He likes to eat! You’ve picked a good...friend to bring home,” Dad says, stumbling on just what her relationship with this American is. It’s no fault of his. Before she became a sensate, her world was insular and sheltered however, Kala isn’t their protected baby daughter anymore. 

In the name of decency, Bucky has been put in the guest bedroom. Mom and Dad are sympathetic towards the (made up) story of his troubles, but worried as to why he’s needing to stay with them for a time and, of course, his intentions towards her. 

Mom jumps in at this point taking her cue from Dad to discuss Bucky. “He is not a boyfriend, is he? We understand you kids think us old fashioned for not divorcing but you must understand how it looks, Kala, to have an unmarried man living under our roof with a divorced daughter.” 

Kala shakes her head sighing. “No, he’s not, Mom. Bucky just needs somewhere to live for a few months while we get his visas ready for Brazil is all.” Mom seems to have trouble swallowing this half truth but doesn’t argue. Perhaps she’s too tired or doesn’t want to fight Kala’s obstinacy in this attachment to Bucky.

\--

Bucky’s no fool; he knows they talked about him last night after he went to bed. Whatever Kala said to her parents clearly has convinced them he’s okay. No longer is he getting wary looks concealed under a thin veneer of politeness. Sanyam is at his side at once in the morning when Bucky walks into the kitchen to see what there is for breakfast. 

“Well, son, we will have to dress you properly! You stick out like a sore thumb. Come, come we will find you a dhoti while Kala goes to get you some proper Indian clothes. My wife is an excellent seamstress and can hem my dhoti for you,” Sanyam, Kala’s father, explains, gently guiding Bucky to his bedroom, where he riffles through the closet for something appropriate for him to wear. 

Bucky tries on a few of Sanyam’s dhoti so they can figure which will be best for him. Priya is there as well to hem them to his height and smaller waistline. The sudden concern of his wardrobe becomes clear in an instant.

“Your intentions towards Kala are honorable, yes? You are not in any legal trouble?” Sanyam inquires, right to the point with his concerns. For a man who gives off a calm, happy aura, it’s clear he’s been on edge with these thoughts. Guilt gnaws at Bucky’s ribs for causing so much worry and unrest within Kala’s family.

“Yes. Kala is a good friend, but I’m not looking for anyone right now. No legal trouble either.” Not like Whispers or Hydra are legal organizations themselves. For a moment they fall into silence, no one having anything to add to that.

He decides to take a chance on sounding too smarmy in the hopes Sanyam will take him seriously. “Sanyam, Kala told me you work as a restaurant owner. Would you be able to teach me how to make some Indian dishes? I’ve been trying to get better at my culinary skills,” Bucky asks. Not true that Kala told him but he’s blinked in when she’s helped Sanyam out at the restaurant. Besides if he’s to live here he’d like to get know Kala’s family at least a little bit. He doesn’t want them to feel awkward around him. Also he sincerely would like to improve on the range of cuisine he can cook. 

At that Sanyam brightens considerably. Maybe Bucky should have mentioned this topic at dinner last night. 

“I would be happy to! If you have a talent for it you could work in the kitchen--although any recipes you learn must stay here. I can’t have you setting up a rival business,” Sanyam jokes. Bucky gives a small smile. 

“Of course not.”

The thirty minutes before Kala returns, Sanyam fills up with plans and times that Bucky could come help in the kitchen. Nothing during rush hours, but late morning, afternoon and evenings would be fine. 

Once he’s dressed it’s clear he’s being handed over to Kala. She beckons him to follow her. “Now that you’re dressed, Bucky, help me in the kitchen. If you’re going to stay here with us then I need to introduce you to Lord Ganesha. I haven’t made his food yet for today.”

Bucky waits until they are in the kitchen alone (he wouldn’t be surprised if her parents are hovering nearby) to speak about what’s been bothering him.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Whispers? You all are being hunted like me.” Bucky accuses upset at being kept in the dark for so long. His sensates had hidden this from him perfectly. But why?

Kala bites at her bottom lip not looking at Bucky for a moment collecting her thoughts.

“We didn’t want you to worry about us. Besides, Whispers had gone silent after their last attempt. We didn’t know how to locate them. And there was enough to worry about making sure everything was okay with your settling in each time.” Kala answers back, not cowed by Bucky’s frustration. What’s clear is that no disrespect was intended by not telling him. Simply an assumption that they didn’t need to inform him of Whispers until the need arose. 

“It’s not that we thought you couldn’t help, Bucky. But you needed to recover from Hydra before we could even think of telling you about this new danger.” Riley speaks up from where she’s sitting on the counter. Kala makes a small face at this even though their sensate technically isn’t here. Still, the image isn’t one that conveys hygienic cooking practices in the kitchen. 

“So you waited to surprise me with it?” He shoots back as he roasts peanuts in a pan on the stove. Kala has already grated the jaggery and is beginning the process of melting it. 

“Being an asshole doesn’t help.” Wolfgang snaps staring him down. Tension and irritation spark through the connection neither one willing to back down. Wolfgang huffs rolling his eyes. “We trust you, okay? This isn’t about whatever shit you’re thinking. I can guess you would not have felt excited if we had told you right off the bat, ‘hey we’ve also got an evil organization coming after us welcome to our sexual cluster.’”

Much as it irks Bucky to admit he’s got a point about that. The Asset would not have handled well the additional threat of more people gunning for his life and brain. 

“We promise no more hiding anything.” Nomi says leaning her hip against Riley’s legs. “You’ll know everything we did even if it’s not much.” She promises. 

“Okay.” 

A moment passes before Riley speaks up turning the subject from a less tense air.

“What are you guys making by the way? It smells really good.”

“Peanut modak.” Wolfgang and Kala reply at the same time. They all blink in surprise at Wolfgang chiming in. Bucky may have only joined the group a year ago but Wolfgang’s never given any indication he’s religious, Western or otherwise. 

Wolfgang raises an eyebrow managing to look both offended and exasperated. 

“Just because I’m blond doesn’t mean I’m ignorant of your religious ceremonies, Kala. I looked up more on Hinduism after we talked. It’s important to you.” The rush of tenderness in Bucky’s chest is a combination of Kala, Riley and Nomi’s emotions. He lets out a short breath steading himself. It’s still unsettling to be so influenced by his sensates. However he can handle this. 

“Be thoughtful some other time Wolfgang, you’re distracting us.” Bucky teases. The reply to that is a middle finger from his sensate. 

\-- 

“Lord Ganesha, this is Bucky, my sensate, as you know. He helped make your favorite food. Please, if you can find it to help him, he is suffering.” 

Going from no gods to a multitude is quite the change. Bucky wonders the comfort Kala gets from this god Ganesha that does not eat her carefully prepared food, smell the candles and flowers, hear her words, see her devotion or even sense her presence at his feet. 

The rituals, he decides. It is all the preparation to be heard rather then actual listening on Ganesha’s part. 

“Did you always worship Ganesha?” Will asks blinking in on Bucky’s other side where they are kneeling before the statue. He’s gazing with awe at the elephant headed god. Bucky marvels at his ability to be so overwhelmed by this supposed divine being.

Kala chuckles. “No, I used to worship Lord Agni. He is the protector of the home. I wanted someone to take care of my family when I eventually went away to college. Once I was accepted I turned to Lord Ganesha as he helps to remove obstacles in your way and he has a fondness for the arts and sciences. He was proud of my choice to go into pharmaceutical. It was then I knew I was on the right path.”

Will looks quite impressed. 

“Agni and Ganesha are two different gods then?” Will asks. 

“Different identities for God that is everywhere.” She corrects. He nods appreciative of this religious lesson. 

Kala turns to the towering statue of Ganesha that has watched over their conversation. 

“Excuse me, Lord Ganesha. This is Will my other sensate. He’s pleased to meet and learn about you. Please look out for him. He and Riley are good people.” After a moment of silence Kala beckons Bucky and Will closer to her. They knee shuffle closer as she dips her thumb into a shallow dish on the altar that holds a dark red paste. 

“A religious mark called tilak. A bindi is the decorative dot you often see our women wearing.” She explains as she marks herself between the eyebrows straight up to her hairline. Next she offers to do the same for Bucky. He leans in liking the fragrance mixed in with the paste. Finally she marks Will too who is happy to be included. 

“Thank you, Kala. This was wonderful.” Will says grasping her hands. Bucky can’t say he’s been moved spiritually but he’s happy to have two of his sensates with him. 

\--

No surprise that Kala and Wolfgang start to get intimate again now that for the moment things have calmed down in everyone’s lives. 

Bucky’s browsing in a bookstore when tingles run up his spine his nipples twinging with pleasure. He has only to peek in through Kala’s connection to see Wolfgang has blinked in to make out with her. A soft groan before he puts the book he was skimming down to go to the bathroom. May as well weather this through in relative privacy.

\--

“We should put mehndi on Bucky!” Ishita exclaims, her eyes sparkling with excitement at her idea.

Kala blinks. “Well...sure we can see if he wants to.” She probably shouldn’t be taken aback about this. It’d be difficult not to notice how her female cousins have stared at Bucky whenever they come over, which is quite often. Some in admiration, others in wariness. Ishita is one who has a crush on him. A very obvious one. Bucky, however, hasn’t minded in the least, although he doesn’t encourage her besides being polite whenever they are in the same room. He’s even managed to thoroughly ingratiate himself with both her parents in the course of a month. So likely having him join in on an activity that’s only been for the girls won’t bother mom or dad. Not that Kala herself is bothered at his inclusion but rather that her cousins are still treating Bucky as if he’s some fabulous stranger. Everything about him being strange and worth noting amongst themselves.

Granted it’s been difficult to get to know Bucky seeing as he tends to shy away from her connection or in fact any activities she offers. Besides their daily visit to temple Bucky spends most of his time with dad and mom.

It all became clear when Wolfgang had explained after a round of quick sex that Bucky was repulsed by the very act of intimacy.

“Maybe everything sexual?” Wolfgang mused hands behind his head as he lays in her bed. “But he stays away partly because of that. And I think he feels uncomfortable knowing how rigid the gender rules can be here especially a divorced woman talking to a single guy.”

Kala bolts upright staring at him in outraged shock.

“And you didn’t think to tell me that sooner? When did Bucky talk to you about - about all of these feelings?” She demands. It’s not that she’s upset they talked what has her angry is that Wolfgang felt no need to discuss this with _her_. The last thing she wants to do is make Bucky uncomfortable. If she had known this she would have readily offered to talk over different ways her and Wolfgang could have their intimacy without forcing Bucky to endure the carry over sensations and feelings.

Wolfgang raises his eyebrows surprised at her reaction. He doesn’t move from where he’s still laying down.

“We didn’t talk. It’s his thread. Hard to concentrate actually.” Kala isn’t sure whether she wants to slap him as hard as she can or ask what kind of asshole he is. Wolfgang finally seems to get what deep shit he’s just put himself in by saying all that.

“Kala, you’d rearrange your entire life for Bucky. You’d lose out on sex and intimacy. He needs to get used to the fact we’ll fuck each other.” Wolfgang snaps back just as heated. 

“You selfish bastard he was abused! -”

“I was abused don’t give me that shit!” He snarls.

“- I do not fault Bucky for staying away! We _talk_ about these issues not force our sensate to endure!” Kala hisses as she gets out of bed yanking on a random shirt of hers and underwear, always aware of her family in the house. What they would think hearing her talking to herself all the time. Conversations with people no one can see but her. Totally not a sign of craziness. 

“Leave. I don’t want to talk about this right now. I’m too angry.” She states unable to even look at him. The fade of his presence tells Kala that he’s left. Good. 

“Kala?” She blinks back to Ishita.

She forces a smile. “Let me ask him.” Kala heads to Bucky’s bedroom knocking on the door (which she knows he locks against persistent attention from the cousins).

“Bucky? Would you like to put on mehendi with my cousins and I? We thought it might be something fun and new for you.” She calls through the door. There’s rustling, the bed creaking and a few seconds before the lock clicks back. Bucky opens the door his hair mussed and knotted blinking blearily at her. He must have been napping. 

He rubs at his eyes yawning. “Sure, that sounds fine. Are you guys doing that right now?” 

“Yes but can I talk to you for a moment? It’s not something for...everyone.” Kala carefully words it aware that she can be easily overheard. The downside of living back at home. Bucky nods opening the door further to allow her inside. She steps in praying that no one gets suspicious of why she’s in his room. 

“Bucky, I am so sorry. We wouldn’t have had sex if I had known you were dissociating from it. Wolfgang shouldn't have kept quiet about how this was affecting you. We don’t want you to suffer through your trauma alone. We are here for you. I am here for you.” Definitely she could have finessed her words a bit better but Kala wanted to express her true feelings on the matter without tiptoeing around the issue of broken trust. What Wolfgang has done is not okay.

Bucky hesitates perhaps unsure of how to answer her back. She understands this isn’t a matter to forgive and forget.

He bites his lip before he finally answers. “You didn’t do anything, Kala. I could have spoken to you about it...to all of our group but it wasn’t trauma I was ready to face directly. The training I did with Sun was a start but all the further I wanted to go. But I’ll talk with Wolfgang about it soon.” His tone suggests that he’s done talking about this for now. The guilt bubbles in her stomach but there’s not much more she can do or offer. 

“C’mon let’s go get mehndi done. Riley is excited to see it.” Bucky gently nudges as he turns to grab a tank top from the desk chair behind him. Kala looks over to Bucky’s bed to see Riley has blinked in she smiles and waves hello. Well at least someone is finding the prospect of Bucky being fussed over funny. She’s dreading the fact that afterwards her cousins will be gushing over him more. 

\--

It’s that night that Wolfgang shows up. Bucky hasn’t removed the paste from his hands, feet, arm, and legs (the cousins went overboard not to mention a little cheeky with their wandering hands and piping bags. Kala stopped them from applying any mehndi to his chest or above the knees). So he’s feeling slightly gritty trying not to take off the paste even though some of it will end up being rubbed off in his sleep. 

He’s thinking over his talk with Kala earlier in the day. Her guilt towards him and her anger at Wolfgang were bright pulses through her thread. The tension between those two has been affecting the whole cluster. Lito and Capheus both have gotten snappish with others entirely unlike them. There’s no way around the fact that they three need to discuss what’s going on.

One moment Bucky is restlessly rolling around in bed (a habit he’s gotten into) and the next he bumps up against Wolfgang’s side who has appeared. He’s laying in Bucky’s bed arms crossed over his chest. If it wasn’t for the room being pitch black he’d be able to see if Wolfgang’s wearing a stubborn expression or not. 

Apropos of nothing he speaks before Bucky can even say anything.

“Kala said I shouldn’t have made you deal with us having sex. It made me angry when she threw that abuse stuff in my face. My dad abused me and no one ever handled me with kid gloves about all that shit.” Wolfgang explains with a shrug his gaze resting on the ceiling. Pressed as close as he is Bucky can feel how tight Wolfgang is holding himself talking about this. Minutes pass before he speaks again. “My way of dealing with that garbage isn’t the same way as yours and I didn’t consider that. I didn’t treat you right.” 

The roundabout apology doesn’t excuse his behavior however Bucky doesn’t care to hold it against him. At least he was willing to admit his wrongs. 

“Hug it out?” Bucky asks. If Wolfgang is gonna man up and open himself up then so can Bucky when given the space to do so. Wolfgang snorts turning on his side and enveloping Bucky in a full body hug throwing his left arm and leg over him. The laugh is unexpected for them both. 

Things will be just fine.

\--

Months of digging and intensive scouting turns up the location of the Asset in India. At once Ellison understands that the cluster has been moving it between them. A random chance that the killer was in San Francisco the same as Nomi Marks. They lost track of it for awhile but the Asset must have been with another one of the sensates the only explanation as to why it’s now with Kala. 

Hydra would go in guns blazing for their weapon absolutely no finesse to their strategy. Ellison supposes he can understand Hydra’s barely contained panic at being so close to getting their prized, if faulty, assassin back after a year and a half of being MIA. It’s been difficult to persuade them to hold back while a mole is planted in the same pharmaceutical company as Kala. They need to be guaranteed of her movements for she will lead them all to the Asset. 

In the meantime while the mole is at work the terms must be hashed out. Whispers gets Kala, Hydra gets their killer and a ten million dollar check is written to Whispers from Hydra for their help. Ellison and his men are off to India. 

It’s time to end this game of hide and seek now.

\--

It is the activists of the temple who betray them to Whispers and Hydra. The people who had detested Kala’s marriage to Rajan because of his industrialist, Westernized father. Someone who had forgotten his roots. Who wanted to tear out the religious and spiritual roots by dismantling the temples in the area. 

“We are sorry, Kala. This is for Lord Ganesha and all the gods Westerners would destroy.” The woman states only apologetic for their rough treatment not for what fate they are sending Bucky and Kala to. Lord Ganesha watches impassively with his stone eyes the incense smoking gently. No god will save them.

“Let me go!” Kala yells twisting and squirming against the woman’s grasp. Will’s shout escapes her mouth as he blinks into her body. But Hydra and Whispers have planned this down to a science. They are ready for their other sensates to try and jump in. There are enough people here to subdue her and him both.

The terror claws at Bucky’s throat as he digs his heels into the smooth stone of the temple. In an instant his legs are swept out from under him. He’s carried spread-eagle before he’s dumped into the Chair cold sweat pouring off of him as his ankles and wrists are buckled into straps. All he can do is tremble the fight gone, teeth chattering from the violence of his convulsions. 

“Open.” An agent demands even as she pries open his mouth cramming in the mouthguard. It’s habit for him to adjust it to fit better even as his lungs can barely draw breath. 

“Now!” 

His scream is not the only one that pours from his mouth.

When the Asset opens its eyes it’s met with a man staring at it in amazement. He’s older with a greying beard and close cropped hair. Glasses that give him a serious, sophisticated air. The stranger steps closer scrutinizing as if there’s something about the Asset that fascinates him. 

“Awe-inspiring. You do realize you’ve created on another sensate, don’t you? But,” He says, _Ellison_ , the name slinks through its brain, condescension dripping from his voice. “You didn’t realize that. No matter we have what we want.”

The lead Hydra handler frowns looking up from releasing the Asset from the Chair. It stands at attention back drawn up straight eyes not downcast but watching Ellison just as intently. Something is off here. The tension in the room has shifted for the worse. 

“What do you mean? The Asset is ours. You take the woman as promised.” 

Ellison tuts as if she’s merely being obstinate. “That was the original deal but I’ve decided Whispers needs them both. How else can we study the effects of this unnatural sensate?”

“Asset. They’re going to hurt you.” A raspy woman’s voice speaks from within his head. The Asset resists looking around even as unease slithers up its spine. Voices shouldn’t be speaking inside its head but the disembodied person is right. Punishment is soon to happen. It doesn’t want to be hurt.

“Your mission is to retrieve the captive. Return her home. Protect Kala.” 

The order has been set. It will not fail.

“Take the woman!” The Hydra woman barks. Compatible with the directive it has been given. Before the Whispers can aim their guns it has lunged across the room the temple woman cowering away. It secures a firm grip on Kala. 

Ellison rolls his eyes. Clearly he doesn’t think the Asset will make it out of here with Kala or alive for that matter. He underestimates its capabilities. A good reaction to instill.

“Take them both.” He says waving a hand in their direction as he turns his back and strolls out of the room. The confidence of a man that everything is under control nothing more needed from him. For a few seconds no one moves everyone eyeballing the other tensed for any sudden moves. The Asset will not be the first one to break. It has been trained not to. No surprise it’s the temple men and women who turn and flee. The Asset leaps after them dragging Kala who is struggling to keep up.

“Kill them!” A Whisper screams in terror -

“Stop them!” Hydra agents shriek and the room is ablaze. Somehow they make it out alive no doubt helped by the chaos of the two sides fighting each other. But it doesn’t allow Kala a break. The order was to protect, to keep her alive. She must get home before the Asset can be released from its directive. Besides enough will be dead soon that those remaining will come for them both.

The mad dash through town back to Kala’s home is an endless calculation of routes, counter-routes and hiding spots that race through the Asset’s head.

“You are almost there. Just a bit more.” A Hispanic man pants as he struggles to keep up with their desperate flight. There’s no need for stealth. If Hydra and Whispers both knew they were going to be at the temple then the next spot will be Kala’s home. 

“Mom! Dad! We have to leave!” Kala hollers as soon as they’ve barrelled through the door of the house. The restaurant patrons had given them concerned looks as they sprinted past. 

“Kala, what is all this?” Priya calls as she carefully walks down the stairs laundry in her arms.

“Mom there are people coming for us! We need to leave _right now_. Where is dad?” Kala urges taking the basket from her mom. Priya eyes her in concern fright creeping into her eyes at her usually calm daughter panicking so badly. 

“Sweetheart he is at a friend’s house. Who is coming for us? What happened to Bucky?” Priya asks eyes widening at the sight of the Asset. Kala grips her mom’s arms hard startling her to pay attention.

“I am not joking Mom. People are coming after me, Bucky and they will hurt you to find me. I will tell you everything once we have Dad.” Kala states gaze unflinching. Priya is so shocked all she can do is nod. 

“I will call him.” Her mom replies as she grabs up her purse from the hook on the wall. Kala looks to the Asset but his job is done. He’s gotten her safely home and to her mother. The order has been fulfilled. 

“Bucky, come to us. They will not find you in Mexico City.” It is the Hispanic man again. _Lito_ pops into his head. All instincts tell him that this is a bad idea. That Hydra and Whispers will find him again. They always will. But louder then his instincts is the horror welling up at the horrific punishments awaiting him. Lito will be his safehouse for a time until he can figure out another hiding place. 

\--

“So _you’re_ the new guy Lito’s been talking about! I thought he was talking about an affair with how often he talked about you.” Daniela grins laughing as she offers Bucky her hand. She’s completely unfazed by his bedraggled appearance or the lack of an arm. 

“Daniela, please.” Lito intercedes shooting a significant look at her. “Bucky isn’t up for a million questions. Let him recover.”

She nods winking at Bucky. “Of course, I’m sorry Bucky. Have a good nap.” 

Bucky showers before he settles into the crisp sheets of the guest bed smelling of green apple laundry detergent. Just washed like himself. He nuzzles his face into the pillow. He can handle Daniela just fine. He doesn’t need Lito to coddle or safeguard him. Socializing isn’t lost to him even after becoming the Asset again. At some point during his fleeing he came back to himself. The Asset receding back into that dark place in his mind. Bucky gives in gladly to the exhaustion overtaking him. Anything not to think about how broken his mind still is. Even after almost two years. 

What he finds out is that Daniela is a godsent distraction that Bucky appreciates with his entire heart. Checking in with Kala reassures him that, although her parents are confused and frightened, everyone’s physically unharmed. 

“Come here, Bucky! We absolutely have to do something about that hair of yours.” Daniela announces when he shuffles into the living room after his five hour nap. Lito and Hernando had been kind enough to give up their bed for his recovery but from now on he’ll be sleeping on an air mattress in the living room. 

He frowns running his hand over his hair. It’s grown almost to his shoulder blades left untrimmed since Nomi and Amanita took him from Hydra. He didn’t think he looked _that_ awful. Especially now that he’s showered (using Lito’s salon quality shampoo and conditioner). 

“Do I look that bad?” He asks Lito and Hernando who are both reading in their respective recliners. They both look at him before wincing in sympathy. Easy for them to make faces when they haven’t been on the run for the past couple of weeks from India. This time Bucky had stayed away from air travel and instead gone by boat. Besides he likely looks better now then he did when he first escaped the Asset mindset. 

“Oh, come here! I’m not being mean you just need a little clean up is all. I’ll cut your hair on the balcony.” This earns a surprised look from Hernando and concern from Lito. Clearly Daniela isn’t known for her hair cutting skills. Bucky supposes the worse that can happen is that he shaves off the bad job. 

Daniela sets up her little station which consists of a chair for Bucky with her beauty supplies laying scattered on Lito’s weight bench. He sits down in the chair relaxing when she brushes out his hair gently. Perhaps Bucky shouldn’t so readily enjoy being touched after what just happened with Hydra and Whispers but he is greedy for that comfort. No more does he care if any of his sensates are having sex or engaging in sexual activity. Who is he to deprive them of what pleasure they find in each other amidst the danger and paranoia of Whispers constantly surrounding them. 

Once his hair is brushed to silky, fuzzy softness Daniela runs her fingers through it scratching his scalp as she does so. Next she wets his hair down with a water bottle enough so that she can start cutting his hair. 

“We’ll have to get your hair done professionally next time. Lito’s got the most fabulous hairdresser for his movies. She refuses to work with anyone else when Lito’s shooting.” Daniela chatters as she cuts. Bucky hums in acknowledgement since he doesn’t have much to say that other then the hairdresser’s loyalty is admirable. Perhaps she’s paid exceptionally well or she really likes Lito. Daniela keeps up her side of the conversation unbothered that Bucky doesn’t have much to say back. Talking for the sake of it. 

By the time she’s done the weight of his hair has grown lighter. He feels refreshed. When she offers him her large hand mirror Bucky sees she’s trimmed his hair to the top of his shoulders. Thankfully nothing looks uneven or odd. She’s right he did need the clean up. The regret burns him that he was so uneasy around Kala, too afraid of his own fears to reach for her. The time he wasted barely interacting with her. 

Daniela smiles at him through the mirror before she’s gently tugging on his hair.

“Let’s get those nails taken care of now! Fingers and toes.” She states. Her energy reminds Bucky of Amanita. 

“We’re still here.” 

It’s Nomi watching him with love and amusement in her eyes a wide grin on her face. “Talk to us tonight.”

\--

Bucky realizes it’s been too long since they talked. Since he’s been with Kala, Bucky had blocked out his connection as much as possible, uncomfortable with Wolfgang and Kala’s libido. Like friends who know they should call more often but don’t.

“Why isn’t the camera working?” Amanita’s voice cuts in from Skype before their cameras have a chance to connect with the program. “Fix it, hacker woman!” She jokes as the image of her and Nomi appear on Hernando’s laptop screen. Seeing their faces is like seeing home again for the first time in forever.

“Bucky!” Nomi and Amanita chorus excited to see him again. A grin spreads over his face as he waves hello to them. 

“How’ve you been, sweetheart? Nomi tells me scary shit has still been happening. Are you okay? Are you getting enough to eat?” Amanita jumps right in not even allowing Nomi a chance to speak. Understandable seeing as Nomi can blink in to see him whenever she wants. Amanita doesn’t have that luxury.

“I’m better now. Daniela, Lito’s friend, gave me a hair cut. She painted my nails too.” He shows off bright blueberry colored nails. They booth ooh over her work appreciatively. Daniela grins in pleasure across the room. “But Amanita, Hydra found me again. They forced me to become the Asset. It was only because of our sensates I escaped. My mind still isn’t my own and I’m scared. I want to come home.” A flush of shame heats him at what he just admitted in front of Hernando, Lito, and Daniela. Completely ungrateful but the truth. Bucky wants to return home to Amanita and Nomi. 

Grief and sympathy flow from Nomi’s thread. Amanita makes gentle noises of consolation.

“Oh Bucky, you can always come home when you want. You know that. We’ll take care of each other.” Nomi murmurs. He doesn’t miss the way she and Amanita clasp hands. How desperately he wants to but home isn’t an option until the threat of Hydra and Whispers has been taken care of. No more endangering those he loves.

From there the conversation moves to lighter topics Bucky introducing them to Hernando and Daniela (Lito as well for Amanita’s lack of a mental connection to him). By the end of their conversation three hours later he’s feeling lighter and more relaxed then he has in quite awhile. This time he won’t make the same mistake as he did with Kala. He will get to know Lito and his boyfriend Hernando and not quite girlfriend but not quite roommate Daniela. They deserve that.

\--

What Bucky notices about Lito now having a moment to stand still and look around him is that his sensate takes very good care of his appearance and body. Namely in the form of the exercise equipment out on the balcony. The set up is spartan in comparison to what Hydra had available for the Winter Soldiers, however Bucky likes the single weight bench and the various small barbells tucked away ready for use. A neat ordliness to it all. 

The next day he wakes up (still exhausted) at dawn to find that Lito, Hernando, and Daniela are dressed to exercise. Much as he’d prefer to go back to sleep, he needs to move. All the hard earned muscles he gained with Sun dropped away when he was with Kala. Bucky still exercised in his room of course, but the quality of his workout wasn’t the same. 

Lito offers a smile. “Good morning.” He says as they troop out onto the small balcony. Really, the space is too tiny for them all, but they make it work doing light stretches. Lito takes the weight bench first while Daniela spots him. Hernando sits on the recessed seat curving around the edge of the balcony taking up the five pound barbells to do bicep curls. Bucky lays down close to the door to start doing sit ups. Make sure he keeps his core tight.

The time seems to pass too quickly; he’s barely warmed up when the three have already gotten to the main part of their exercising. Okay, maybe he’s going to need a gym membership while he’s here. Really Bucky shouldn’t already be planning to go out in public, but there’s no way he will become a recluse again. No matter how many times Hydra violates his mind, Bucky is determined to be his own person again.

When Bucky finishes with his regiment for the morning (his body warmed and eager for more) he finds breakfast is waiting for him in the kitchen. He smiles when Hernando gestures to a plate heaping with food. Definitely something he can get use to with his stomach having been recovered for quite some time.

“This is amazing, Hernando. Thank you for breakfast.” Bucky says at the first bite. No exaggeration this is super delicious. Maybe Hernando is a chef? He doesn’t actually know what Hernando or Daniela do when they’re not at home. More questions to ask. Hernando meanwhile beams pleased at the compliment.

“Sweet of you to say Bucky but it’s only a light meal. I’m glad you like it though.” He replies. 

Daniela grins rolling her eyes. “Hernando, if this is you making something light then you need to make a big dinner to show us the difference.” 

The gleam in Hernando’s eyes declare _challenge accepted_. Bucky can’t wait to see the results. 

\--

Time passes peacefully although the restlessness doesn’t leave him. Hydra and Whispers are lurking out there. Guilt shadows him for spending so much time away outside of Lito’s apartment. Bucky doesn’t want to come across as ignoring or disdaining them. But he’s coming to realize that their relationship with each other and with himself is different from say Nomi and Amanita. While they love and depend on one another distance and independence are large parts of their bond. 

Lito is always on the move for his movies when he’s not dropping in for appearances on other things. Daniela is a moderate success as an actress herself not to mention Lito’s beard for movie premieres. The home is Hernando’s domain when he’s not overseeing the four restaurants he owns. So really Bucky’s hours long absences aren’t out of the ordinary or troubling for anyone. It makes him glad that they’re not worried about coddling him. Bucky’s tired of being under constant observation. 

So understandable that Hernando and Daniela are a bit taken aback at Bucky’s sudden interest in wanting to cook with them. A way to bond with them when they are home.

“You - you want to learn how to - cook?” Hernando asks hesitantly, looking to Daniela for help as if Bucky’s going to snap his neck. (He’ll only do that if Hernando tries to sneak up on him; otherwise Hernando is safe). Bucky nods before holding out his hand for a utensil--or food; it doesn’t matter, he’ll help out. Daniela shrugs, her perfectly plucked eyebrows raised high. She is unsure of how to handle this request either. 

“Dinner is almost done _but_ ,” he hurries to add when Bucky frowns in disappointment, “we can make dessert okay? Next time I’ll be sure to have things for you to do for dinner tomorrow night.” Bucky nods before he moves to the cupboard where dishes are kept. He gets out three plates pausing on grabbing the fourth. Lito is on a press junket for his most recent movie and won’t be home until the middle of next week. Bucky misses Lito’s dramatic presence. When Bucky’s around him, problems seem trifling. 

“Are you calling me a drama queen?” Lito asks, scandalized, as he appears at Bucky’s side wearing his most diva expression. Bucky’s shoulders relax at his presence, even if it’s only through the connection. Much as Daniela and Hernando try not to intrude on him, they are not Lito, not his cluster. They have braved the fucked-up wasteland that is his brain, the memories it contains, and still find kindness for him--but they do not know him from the inside.

“Yes,” Bucky states, because Lito is all about drama and that’s nothing to do with his sexuality. He’s just a bundle of emotions is the point. It’s quite odd for someone who has been instilled not to show emotion. Hernando and Daniela both give him curious looks at answering aloud to Lito. Really he should remember by now to only speak in his mind. Lito rolls his eyes before he notices that Bucky, Daniela and Hernando are seated at the table having dinner together. Tenderness creeps into Bucky’s chest, warm and sweet--what Lito feels seeing them together. The emotion causes a sensation of him being an inch outside of his skin. He really doesn’t like that. 

“I’m glad you’re happy with them. They’re trying their best.” 

Bucky looks out at the sea of faces staring at Lito in the auditorium. The phone cameras flash from the fans and the professional photographers swarming the space between fans and the stage. He’s glad to be at home where it’s cozy and quiet. “We miss you,” Bucky answers, looking back to Lito, overwhelmed by the fascinated stares that can’t see him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be home soon. Now have dinner and enjoy your time alone with them. Maybe even ask Daniela to paint your nails for you,” Lito suggests with a grin--and then Bucky’s back at the table filled with homemade food. The two are eating and chatting, though they throw glances on occasion at Bucky. He must have looked like he zoned out pretty hard there. Living with Lito must have given those two plenty of clues as to when Lito’s sensates were talking to him. Gotta work on appearing normal. Or as normal as he can be after all that’s happened.

\--

Bucky loves his time with Lito, Hernando and Daniela truth be told. But he can’t get rid of the fact there are targets painted on his back and chest. One from Hydra and the other from Whispers. Doubling his restless unease is the fact Hernando and Daniela are involved. They are not sensates but they both know that Lito and Bucky are connected. This information puts their lives in danger. If they knew that Bucky was the Asset they’d be at just as much risk that much at least has been kept from them. There would be no escaping with their lives if Hydra found them.

His fright and anxiety peak one day when he and Will are discussing the merits of letting Daniela and Hernando know that he is the Asset. Will sees it as they should know what to do if Bucky should be brainwashed again. They need a formulate a strategy if he’s going to stay with them for awhile.

“But that’s just it -- I can’t stay here! They’re in danger. Next time someone gets shot in the head it won’t be like Amanita’s freak survival. They _will_ die!” Bucky snaps anger rushing to the surface. A faucet too long shut off with the pressure building. 

Will holds his hands up in a gesture of calming. “I understand, Bucky. But we’ve faced death ever since Whispers found us. Hernando and Daniela haven’t become involved yet but they’re not helpless. Come to Chicago if you’re this terrified of having them caught in the middle. Stay with me and Riley. We can handle the bad guys, you know we can.”

\--

Thoughts of Steve start bubbling up against his will when he lands in Chicago returning to the country that prides itself for being the birthplace of Captain America. It’s not helped by the fact the airplane showed a documentary about Steve’s life from the past to present. Speculating over the lifelong acts of a hero, the disappearance and reemergence of the symbol of hope to the world. 

Now that he’s here though the chances of running into Steve are substantially higher. Dear god, the man managed to run into him in South Korea of all places. Accidentally finding him in Chicago will be like finding a cow in a haystack. Namely that it won’t be difficult at all with Bucky’s odds. 

No one’s waiting for him when he gets off the bus in Chicago determined to walk the rest of the way to Riley and Will’s apartment. Easier for him to dodge and weave to lose any agents from either organization that will likely be trailing him. He can’t be too careful right now. The threat is too close at hand to make a big deal about him showing up in town. There’s no doubt in Bucky’s mind that Hydra and Whispers know exactly where he’s run to. Only a matter of when they will strike again. 

Will and Riley both answer the door when he knocks. Despite his fatigue (it follows him constantly) Bucky grins opening his arm to be hugged by them both at the same time. Truthfully he’s glad to meet his other sensates in the flesh. Being with them in person is like having a feedback loop of emotions. Where once that sensation had disturbed him horribly such as the first time Kala touched him now Bucky is glad for the connection. His sensates ground him. 

When they break the hug Bucky is beckoned inside Will already talking about that they bought a mattress, springs and bed frame included, so he’d be comfortable. 

“We figured you’ve spent enough time sleeping on couches and air mattresses.” Riley adds in with a grin.

“Bit of a tight squeeze though. Our bedroom’s tonight.” Will tacks on. The ease with which they speak trading off sentences only emphasizes how naturally they take to the connection. Once he would have envied that.

“That’s fine. But can we get some pizza for dinner? I’m craving extra sauce.” Bucky asks eager for some hot food. He hadn’t allowed himself the luxury of a sit down meal during his escape to Chicago. Someday he won’t have to use words such as those but instead he’ll visit his sensates. No more running or fleeing. 

Riley grabs his hand pulling over to the couch. “Of course! I’m getting jalapenos on my side of the pizza.” She declares laughing at Will’s scrunched expression at the spiciness she likes. A giggle bubbles from Bucky’s chest. Worries of Steve can wait for tonight. Right now he is here in the moment with enjoying his sensates. 

They sprawl out on the couch after Will orders their two pizzas and stuffed breadsticks. “Diego will have fun killing me at the gym tomorrow for this.” He whines with no real conviction in his voice. Bucky smiles nestled between him and Riley. A casual move as Will rests his arm along the back of the couch just behind Bucky’s head while Riley leans into his left side her folded up knees resting against his thigh. 

When they have to disentangle to allow Will to get the pizzas he stops to grab himself a beer pausing before he peeks out from the kitchen to the living room.

“Want a beer, Bucky? Or a wine cooler? Or do you not drink?” Will asks holding a beer and a bottle of a fruity drink that is icy blue. Bucky hasn’t had any alcohol in...years. Hydra would never dare intoxicate their Winter Soldiers and he hadn’t considered drinking once he was out on his own. For one his stomach couldn’t handle it during his time with Nomi and Amanita. After that he just never considered it and was never offered alcohol. 

“Wine cooler please. I want something sweet.” 

\--

In hindsight Bucky realizes allowing his sensates to become more physically affectionate with him, in truth allowing himself to open up, means that he’s likely to blink in to intimate situations between them. It happens a week later when he’s napping out on the couch. He’d come home from the comic bookstore to find the bedroom door was close. No need to guess why he’d been aroused the entire walk home. So he figured he’d nap and maybe have some sexy dreams versus interrupting Riley and Will.

Instead Bucky’s startled awake just as he dozes off groggy, shocked at Will sitting on top of his hips. The touch of Will’s lips still press a ghost kiss. The expression of overwhelming love and tenderness turns into startled surprise on Will’s face. 

“Bucky! I’m sorry - I didn’t mean to - to physically pull you in,” Will apologizes, getting onto his knees, though he pauses when Bucky puts his hand on Will’s waist. Carefully Will settles back down watching him with a curious look.

“Do you sleep with Capheus or Wolfgang? Or Lito, even though you love and have sex with Riley?” Bucky asks, watching him with a steady gaze as he clasps Will’s hand, wanting his touch. Any affectionate touch, truth be told. Will smiles, glancing away (shy about this, Bucky realizes), rubbing his thumb back and forth over the back of Bucky’s hand.

“I love them too and we only get...intimate...if they want to join in. It’s understood we have our separate times too. But at first it was hard to control the blinking in during sex or otherwise.” He gazes down at Bucky his eyes serious. “Do you want that, Bucky? Fool around with us? All you gotta do is ask. We never wanted to assume you were comfortable just being pulled in. We tried to shield the feelings. But I think we just looked like we were straining.” Will laughs. 

Bucky swallows. He’s unsure. At times, even after almost two years post-Hydra rescue, it’s still difficult for him to distinguish between what fuels his own emotions and what is sparked by his cluster. 

But what is so bad about that? After all this time his cluster (because, yes, they are his now as much as he is theirs) have never tried to influence his emotions, even when it likely would have served them well to do so. Never once have any one of them attempted to manipulate him, through the connection or otherwise. Truth be told, he hungers for the easy affection between everyone. 

He wants that too, and it's his own cowardice and fear that have kept him from reaching out. But now, here is Will offering to give this affection, even sex if he so wishes. Of course this isn't a free for all offer. If he wants to be intimate with the others he must ask and from there they will negotiate on what they are comfortable with giving. Even with a mental connection, that's no blanket permission to do whatever they wish with one another without explicit consent. 

Amanita is affectionate and for that Bucky loves her. Sun was not and at the time that was okay. It was not what he needed. He was still getting used to a life and world outside of Hydra. Now he feels stable and in his head enough to reach out for that.

"What about Riley? I took her place." Will grins a chuckle in his chest. 

"True, and you'd have to ask her. We know how much we love each other. No need to be jealous of our fellow sensates. We're not trying to steal anyone." 

"Free love." This gets an outright laugh.

"Very much free love. Who knew a cop would turn into such a hippie?"

\--

The stealth ambush happens too soon. Hydra grab them outside their apartment early in the morning. It’s clear the desperation is running high. There are too few agents and none are Whispers that much is clear. 

“Will! Riley!” Bucky screams as they are torn apart Riley and Will held at gunpoint. He’s forced to the ground onto his back. Terror seizes his lungs at the red book in the hands of their attackers. This can’t be happening. 

_Longing._

Oh god no, no, no. Not now. Not like this. Jesus Christ, Bucky doesn’t want Riley or Will to see him become the Asset. After all he has gained back. Humanity, love, wonder, a life. For it all to be ripped away so easily.

_Rusted._

The faintest tremor to the connection and Capheus’ thread has gone silent. A cold sweat breaks out over him. They have silenced his sensate!

_Furnace._

Nomi’s frantic words pinging in the back of his mind cut out. He probes but there’s no trace of her presence. Kala is gone as well.

_Daybreak._

Bucky’s gasping, not even able to fight off the agents holding him down, too stunned to move. He is ever their killer no matter how much he changes.

_Seventeen._

Sun is the one controlling his muscles, forcing him to fight like a madman. The agents shout in rage, clamping down tighter. “No!” The scream rips from his throat. Sun or himself, it doesn’t matter who screams.

_Benign._

Gone is Sun. Bucky drops hard back into the bruising grip of the agents. He is exhausted, mind and body. Seductive is the lure of orders that will free his mind from all this panic and horror. Give up autonomy for this comfort.

_Nine, homecoming, one._

The silence inside his own head is deafening. Bucky’s ears throb as he lays immobilized on the cement staring up at the red book in the hand of a handler. The very object that causes his world to end every single time. Stern, cold gazes bore down into him. 

Bucky doesn’t want to lose himself again.

_Freight Car._

It is ready to comply. A blessedly blank slate. “Kill them!”

Orders set. 

The Asset is let up from the ground, a knife placed in its outstretched hand. The handlers want to see it play after so long out of the field.

“No, Bucky, stop!” Objective A yells even as he moves to defend Objective B. Fine by it. One body will fall and then the next....it doesn’t matter who goes first. The Asset lunges Objective A knocking B aside out of harm’s way. The Asset fights hard. Alone, Objective A wouldn’t be an issue, but there is the second one throwing itself into the fight. 

“Get away, Riley!” Objective A shouts breaking his focus from where he sits on top of it - his mistake. The Asset grips the Objective A’s throat in a crushing hold. No need for the knife. The handlers will enjoy this prolonged killing. In futility, Objective A claws at his hand, gasping and choking unable to draw breath. Suddenly Objective B is pummeling the Asset’s face and shoulders with tight, bursting punches. A snarl as it tries to deflect her fists, but without the metal arm he is less than perfect as a weapon. 

“Bucky, stop! You’re not a weapon! Remember us!” Objective B shouts, stopping her assault to grab its face, looking down at it, her eyes bulging in panic. A tingle along the back of his spine its grip loosening minimally. 

“ _Remember, remember_. You’re our sensate, not the Asset,” Riley begs, her gaze never leaving his. A pull from within his chest as if he’s missing _something_. Objective A’s gasping and coughing is explosive as his hand drops away. The handlers’ voices call out in anger but do not move closer.

_Longing! Rusted! Furnace!_

A roar that has his back arching off the ground, mouth open in a silent scream as Bucky is overwhelmed by terror, horror, rage, hope. Lito’s sobbing and screaming, Wolfgang’s bloodied knuckles, Kala’s trembling form before the statue of Ganesha, rapid fire prayers spitting from her lips.

Those words have no power over him. He is not the Asset.

This time he comes up fighting on his own strength, Will rolling off when Bucky begins to move. The throw of the knife startles the handlers before he is attacking. There are only four handlers. Hydra has assumed he grew weak without them. It takes minutes to leave behind only corpses. 

\--

Bucky leaves that night even as it breaks his heart to run away so soon. Riley and Will deserved more of his time and attention but he finally acknowledges what he must do. The bloody sacrifice he must pay for his sensates to be safe at last. 

They both cling to him during their farewell hug and Bucky never wants to let either one go. But he must for the good of their survival. It’s demanded of him.

“I’ll be back soon. We’ll be okay.” Bucky whispers even as logic notes that he will likely die. Better to give them hope than despair. 

\--

The killing begins when he meets Wolfgang in Germany. Best to start in territory that is familiar to his sensate.

But what Bucky is quickly coming to see is that Wolfgang will fight with and for him until the end, but it is easy to see the man is exhausted already. A week of killing, even in the name of defense, is wearing hard on him. While he hasn't heard the angry and scared words passed between him and Kala, there is no doubt she doesn't like what's going on. There is no hiding who they are killing and why. But this doesn't justify the murders for Kala or her gods. It is a rift opening between those two. Bucky cannot stand the thought that this will tear them apart. 

This love Kala and Wolfgang have for each other should not be tainted by these evil people or the evil things Bucky must do to be rid of them. It is why Bucky steals away in the night, slipping a careful dose of sleeping medicine into Wolfgang's soda just to be sure he won't wake until the morning. He doesn't need any heroics. He's a villain and he has no problem seeking out the lives of other monsters. It is what bonded him and Wolfgang together. 

What his cluster doesn't understand - will never be able to comprehend no matter how much they love him--is that Bucky - _the Asset_ \- was trained to be a killer. A brilliant one at that. No matter the man he may have been in the life before Hydra when he was Bucky Barnes, the best friend of Captain America. He is what he is now and that's a man who has honed murder into a skill. 

It takes him a year to root out every single Whisper. Bucky doesn't start small; he marches straight for the heart of Whispers. Unlike his cluster, he doesn't fear the recriminations of the law. There are few torture techniques that he is unfamiliar with. Nothing new to surprise or intimidate him. But he cannot be too harsh on his loved ones. They are ordinary civilians, not used to this level of violence and ruthlessness that is the Whispers. 

He finds Ellison, the old man, ten months into carefully weeding out the underlings. He enters a building that is a known Whisper nest and systematically slaughters them all. No one left alive, even innocents. The Asset will destroy root and stem all that makes up this horrific organization. 

"Well, well, you are quite the impressive sensate. A failure on Hydra’s part to mention you’re a brilliant tracker. You've made quite the bloody mess of things, haven't you?" Ellison smiles even with his grey pallor, his hands trembling as he laces his fingers together. The Asset has found him at home in this place--safe within this pit of cruelty. In the end, even those who kill without conscience return home. 

It is a human instinct. 

Ellison knows that there is no more hiding. He has no bargaining chips and nothing that he can threaten the Asset with. His time has come after all that has happened. 

"You know that your precious family will never be safe. You know that even if you kill me and every single of my men and women that more will come in their place. Someone will always want to discover the secret of what it is to be a sensate." 

The Asset nods. "I know. Hydra has prepared me for that. My life has never been for anything but destruction." 

Ellison nods absentmindedly as if he's got more important matters weighing on him than his life.

"Then you will not mind if I ask you to hurry this up? I find too long of a monologue usually allows for a dramatic escape and, well - I'm afraid you've maimed what I had ready so I'd rather get this over with." 

The two pops of the gun - a spray of blood - and Ellison slumps back in his fancy office chair dead. Bucky walks over and sticks the knife into his neck nice and deep dragging it across his carotid artery. Another spurt of blood before a steady pumping out. There will be no surprise resurrection. Bucky’s making sure this snake is truly dead. There will be plenty of others waiting in the grass.

\--

The draw to see Steve is one that he can’t deny. The unfinished discussion between them has been nagging him since Bucky returned to America, New York specifically. Call him a glutton for punishment; he knows he needs to do this. However, that doesn’t mean he’s going to do that right now. Or maybe ever. Perhaps their meeting can just be something that lurks over him forever. A much better option, in his opinion.

But fate loves to make him miserable and it’s no surprise that he ends up seeing Steve around town. So Bucky takes to following him around, although never approaching. Just keeping an eye on him and putting off ever having the conversation he doesn’t want to even start. In truth, Bucky wants to go home to Nomi and Amanita; he’s told his sensates that point block while uselessly whining about why he doesn’t want to talk with Steve. Certainly he has nothing to say that Steve will want to hear. 

“Are you sure, Bucky? Do you want to give up your life with Steve? You never got to meet him again.” Will asks standing at his side there in mind but not body watching Steve browse through the clothes in the secondhand store (not one pretending to be thrifty for the trend’s sake). 

Bucky gives a quiet derisive snort as he observes this man who was once his best friend in the world. 

“He doesn’t need to see me like this and I don’t want that life, whatever that would be with him. I’m a killer and the Avengers take out killers. And how would I explain our cluster? Besides, I don’t remember him, not truly. All I’ve got is his name and our fight on the bridge. Our shared past doesn’t exist to me.” He pauses, swallowing down the sorrow tightening his throat. After a year, he doesn’t feel as dissociated from the shared feelings anymore.

Bucky reaches for Will able to find the comfort they get from touching one another finally. Will grasps his hand. This shared connection is like a lie detector for their emotions. One that bares all and hides nothing. 

“What about him, Bucky? You disappeared on him without a word.” Wolfgang points out, looking up from where he is browsing through the jeans close by them. Bucky frowns. If Wolfgang is jumping in on this then he’s really backed into a corner. Honestly Bucky had hoped that leaving well enough alone would have Steve forgetting about him. This isn’t something he wants to deal with. Bucky knows how it will go down. Bucky reveals himself and Steve will expect, _hope_ , that his best friend will be home to stay. 

“It is not fair to leave him suffering,” Capheus adds who has blinked in gives him a meaningful look. “At least give him the closure of saying goodbye face to face.” 

Bucky sighs before he turns away. Will, Capheus and Wolfgang are both gone, their pieces said on the matter. They are right that it’s cruel to leave Steve like this; wondering if he’s dead or alive. 

If he is a man at all, he’ll call out for Steve now. Fuck his cowardice and guilt. The man who is his best friend deserves more--but for a couple more days he’ll have to wait. With the stealth that has been ingrained into him, Bucky leaves the shop undetected, making his way home to Wolfgang’s current apartment. In his latest flight--not just from Hydra but Whispers now too--Wolfgang has come with him. Well, he didn’t really get a choice as he’s wanted for the murder of his uncle and cronies. So here they both are in America, snuck in under the radar by Nomi and laying low in a temporary apartment. 

\--

Bucky can’t bear the look of _shock, hope, devastation_ that war over Steve’s face at the sight of him. He’s changed even more since the last time Steve saw him. Living with Lito, Hernando and Daniela had him putting on weight mainly in terms of muscle. All three worked out and easily incorporated him into their routine. Hernando is a wonderful cook and Bucky discovered during his time that he loved to cook and bake for an audience. The times when Lito didn’t pay his food enough compliments made for a disgruntled Hernando. But he’s getting away from the point of showing up.

Wolfgang and Sun are here in person with him for the meeting. (Sun had paid an absurd amount of money for a private jet to get her from South Korea to New York). Only took three hours before they came across him; if he believed in destiny he’d say that’s what drew him to Steve.

He had called Steve with Wolfgang’s burner phone, having memorized Steve’s number from when they ran into each other in South Korea. They had arranged to meet at Central Park. Plenty of space and privacy when they need it. Bucky holds Wolfgang’s hand while Sun hooks two fingers into a belt loop on his jeans. The contact helps to soothe him, not to mention that Lito, Capheus, Will, Nomi, Kala, and Riley are here in spirit (and the connection). It feels like quite the crowd to have all his sensates here at one time, but he’s not going to shoo them away.

“Buck, you came back.” 

Bucky and his sensates turns at the sound of Steve’s voice from behind. 

Steve looks like he wants to physically launch himself at Bucky out of sheer joy, only stopped by the fact he’s flanked by Sun and Wolfgang. It is difficult to see Steve. The meeting isn’t helped by the fact Steve’s tearing up, overwhelmed by their reunion. He doesn’t even care that two of his sensates are here to see Captain America getting emotional. 

Bucky’s heart drops like a stone. No doubt he thinks they will be together again living in the Avengers tower. 

“Not for long.”

Steve falters, clearly unprepared for that. “What’d you mean? Are you leaving again? You don’t have to be worried you can stay with me. The Avengers are more than able to take on Hydra.” 

Bucky shakes his head. He’s misconstruing his words. Besides Hydra is dead for now. There’s no worry of him becoming the Asset ever again. “I came to say goodbye. I’ve got a home and it’s in San Francisco. Besides, the Avengers would never accept me.” 

“But I do, Buck! Doesn’t that mean anything to you?” Steve protests his heartbreak unbearable. A step forward from him has Sun and Wolfgang trying to step back. Bucky won’t let them. 

“I’ve changed, Steve. My memories aren’t coming back from before. It’s been almost two years since I escaped Hydra.” Steve’s lips tremble as he dashes the tears from his eyes, hurt and angry now. He doesn’t fault him that.

“So that’s it? You get to leave? I don’t get any choice.” His voice breaks. “I’m losing you and my past.” Bucky swallows. He is unsure of what to say. It is a hard truth that Steve speaks and he won’t deny that. Is there anything that can make the bitter pill any easier to swallow?

“It is selfish to not let him live his own life. To force on him the burden of the past. He is happy with us and he can grow in a way he is unable to here.” Sun states causing their eyes to turn to her. She and Wolfgang have been quiet so far not getting involved in something so personal.

“I’m not asking him to give up his life!” Steve shouts clenching his jaw hard at the outburst. He turns his gaze back on him. “I want to know if I can still be a part of your life even so far away. If someday I can meet all of your cluster. I want to understand. I want you to be happy, Buck. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my longest fic to date at 31k words. A shock I managed to do this. The only regret is that Wolfgang's time got cut with Bucky in the name of actually submitting this work on time.


End file.
